Protection
by Dancing Melon
Summary: One night of bad decisions can change your entire life. It's too bad that Bella Swan had to learn that the hard way after one night with the boy that she's loved for her whole life. But will the consequences bring them closer together? AH.
1. Prologue

**A/N**: Whee! I am so, so, SO excited about this story. I personally haven't read anything like this so far, but of course, I don't have time to read everything on this website. Anyway, this prologue has excepts from the first chapter, so I actually wrote them together and I will be posting them together. So if you see things that are similar between the two, that's why! I'll stop talking now so you all can get to reading and hopefully enjoying.

**WARNING!** This story is rated M for a reason. If you are uncomfortable reading about sex then you should either skip the second and largest block of italics or not read this story at all.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight. But I do wish I could own Robert Pattinson ...

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**Prologue**: Consequences

Things weren't supposed to happen this way. This was never how I imagined my situation. I shouldn't be alone right now – he should be right outside my bathroom, pacing nervously back and forth. My tears right now taste like fear, regret, disappointment – anything that isn't related to happiness, like it should be. My hands are shaking; the only way I can tell is by the nervous crackling of the plastic bag in my hand. A broken sob escapes my throat, and the next thing I know I'm sobbing hysterically while curled up into fetal position on the cool tile.

I've been crying like this a lot lately, whenever I think about that night, so these sounds don't frighten me like they did at first. I was used to them, but to anyone else, they would think that I was dying. Maybe I was, not physically, but right now it sure felt like everything on the inside was slowly deteriorating. That night started out so fantastic, and I thought that it was going to escalate into one of the best of my life. I gave up on fighting the memories and let them seep into my mind.

_His face turned a light red and he seemed to be battling a conflict inside of his head. "Bella, I … um … I … these past few years have been some of the worst of my life, and … I … I think it's because I miss you. So much."_

_I froze, trying to absorb what he had just confessed to me. My hand was still resting on his, and I suddenly became very well-aware of our physical contact. He missed me? A small amount of hope swelled in my heart, and maybe things could go back to normal between us. Or maybe I could have him in every way I wanted him, which was a lot more than just my friend. I couldn't help but wonder if he felt what I did right now as our hands were so innocently connected. It was a strong tingling sensation that radiated through my body, and it only got stronger as I thought that he could feel the same …_

_"Bella?"_

_I realized that I haven't responded to his words yet, and I blushed more at that thought. My face would be in a permanent state of crimson by the end of the night. "Sorry, I zoned out. I … I really miss you too, but … what does that mean for us?" I asked. That would probably be the best way for me to get some of the answers I needed._

_A brilliant smile lit up his face for a few seconds before it slightly died down. "Well, I … don't really know to be honest. I never thought that you would actually miss me too," Oh, if only you knew, "But … I know that you really mean a lot to me, even after all of this time," he confessed, becoming less embarrassed and more confident._

_I smiled softly at him, trying my best to keep my face a normal color. "You mean a lot to me too," I told him, looking down at our hands._

_He slowly twisted his hand around, and our fingers wrapped themselves around each other. My heart swelled with pride, and I decided to meet his eyes again. His face was beaming, and it made me smile too. This felt like a dream, and I hoped that I would never wake up. As long as he wasn't planning on breaking my heart again, then this was better than anything that I could ask for._

_- - -_

_"A huge blizzard decided to hit right after we got here, Bella, and the roads are closed until at least tomorrow afternoon! So we get to spend the night here!" my mom explained._

_I briefly let my thoughts wonder to a naughtier side that involved him and his room, but I quickly let those thoughts aside. "That should be fun," I said casually, while I was just as excited as her on the inside._

_"I know, I'm so excited! Now come on you two, Alice's cookies are finished, and we have to arrange our sleeping arrangements!" Renee bounded out of the room, with he and I trailing behind her._

_"Bella," I turned to face him, "If you don't mind I'd like to spend more time with you later tonight," he told me. I swear there was a small amount of seductive in his tone._

_"I would like that too," I replied._

He was everything that I could ask for in a man. He was a gentlemen in every way, always looking to do everything for his lady before worrying about his own needs. I know that was most likely his intention all along, but I also wanted to believe that he enjoyed hurting me. The second option would make so much more sense, because if he knew the first thing about me then he would know that I couldn't be happy without him.

I thought that I would be able to trust him of all people with my body. Well, I did in the moment. I'll admit it – I love him, and I still do even though I couldn't have him like I wanted to. And I really thought that he felt the same way about me, especially when things started to get more intimate between us …

_I took a few steady breaths for good measure, and I reached out to take his hand in my own. He looked up at me with confusion, but his face changed to the one from when I entered when I led him to his bed. His eyes met my own, so I was hoping that my facial expression was one similar to his own._

"_I … I'm not very good at this - " I was silenced by his finger against my lips, and he put his other hand on my cheek. I let out whatever air was leftover in my lungs as his face slowly came closer to mine._

"_Bella," he whispered, and I still loved how he said my name, "As long as it's you then it will be perfection," he assured. Then he closed the gap between our lips._

_Kissing him was something that I never thought I would get to experience. But as soon as our lips connected, something awoke in me, telling me that somehow this was always meant to happen. I felt like I was flying as our mouths moved together in perfect rhythm, and I never wanted to come back down. New confidence started to flow through my veins so my hands left my sides and started to comb through his hair. It felt silkier than I had imagined, but surely nowhere near greasy. I heard him moan against my lips and he pulled me down so we could lay on his bed._

_I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of the night just kissing and touching his hair and face as he stroked my own hair or cheek, but when one of his hands traced my back down to my waist, other ideas coursed through my mind …_

_- - -_

… _I heard him fumbling in his nightstand, looking for something, and I knew he had found it when I heard the crinkling sound of the wrapper. He tore open the package quickly and slid the condom down his harden length, and my stomach trembled with nerves and excitement._

_He rolled over, and landed so he was on top of me and resting in the middle of my legs. His clean hand ran through my hair while he leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Bella, are you sure you want this?" he asked, his deep green eyes staring into mine._

_I nodded, pulled his face to mine, and kissed him once. "Yes. I haven't been more sure of anything," I assured._

_He smiled, gave me one more tender kiss, then guided his arousal to my opening …_

_- - -_

… _he made one last thrust, crying out my name before I felt him spasm inside of me and collapse, still inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close, and I hugged him back._

_He slipped out at last, and had to let go of me to remove his condom and throw it in the trash. I used the time to push his covers down and go under them, pulling the blankets to my chest. He returned as fast as possible and he pulled me to his body again. I could stay in his embrace like this for the rest of my life, but I wasn't finished with him just yet._

"_Can I ask you for something?"_

"_Of course honey," he replied, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "What is it?"_

"_Um … well … this night was fantastic, but … to be honest … uh … I always imagined that I would have my first time naturally, if you know what I mean …"_

"_Oh … so you mean without a -"_

_I blushed, snuggling into his chest so he couldn't see my face. "Um, yeah. I just always thought that it would feel a lot better, but if you don't want to then that's okay ..." I trailed off, too embarrassed to continue._

_The next thing I knew he was on top of me, his erection pressed into my thigh. "I want to make you happy, Bella," he explained …_

_- - -_

_I heard him groan, a sound full of pleasure and frustration, and he pulled out and rubbed himself until he ejaculated a few seconds later on my thigh, letting out a shaky sign of relief._

"_That was really close, but that was fantastic," he whispered._

It hurt so much to think about that night, yet it was something I just couldn't get out of my mind. I tried so hard to not think about it, but it just wasn't worth all of the effort anymore.

I remembered the contents of the bag I was holding. I needed to do this – I needed a confirmation to my suspicions. I took a deep, shaky breath and pulled out the box, leaving the bag on the floor. I pulled out the contents and read the directions, even though I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do.

After the test, I needed to wait for a few minutes to get the results. I knew that this would be the longest five minutes of my life, and the result was going to change it forever. I set the alarm on my cell phone to alert me when it was time.

The tears started streaming once again, and I wished that he could be here holding me right now. I needed him to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But no – he wasn't here, and he probably wouldn't come even if I asked him to. I didn't want to remember how the night ended but it is probably the hardest part to forget …

"_Bella … did we mess up by doing this? I mean, sweetie, I just got you back hours ago, and I don't want to lose you again by taking things too fast ..."_

_I didn't know what to say to that. Maybe we did mess up tonight, as nice as it was. He thought that he was going to lose me by moving too fast, so maybe I shouldn't tell him what I was going to. Maybe we should just be friends for a while, even if it did hurt me. I just wanted what is best for him though, because his happiness is more important than mine …_

"… _I … I don't know. This night was amazing, but do you think we should backtrack and just be friends for now?"_

_He stopped moving his hand, keeping it intertwined in my hair, and didn't respond right away. "I … I think that would be for the best."_

_I felt my heart shatter, and I fought the tears building in my eyes. "O-okay ..." I whispered. I started to get up, but I felt his hand close around my wrist._

"_Bella, wait. Let's just have tonight, please. Don't leave." His voice broke on his last word, and that was enough. The part of me that always wanted to please him crawled back into bed with him._

My phone started beeping impatiently, and my heart stopped beating. I stood up and grabbed the test and instructions from beside the sink. There was a bright red plus sign beaming at me, and I didn't need the paper to know what that meant. I checked anyway, and I found out that what I didn't want to be true was. I gasped as my hand found its way to my lower stomach and I fell back to the floor, the crying starting up again.

"Oh Edward … I really need you right now … why did you have to leave me?"

* * *

**A/N**: I'm sure almost everyone expected it to be Edward, but I didn't mention his name in the flashbacks to make people antsy.

Please give me feedback! I love constructive criticism, it really helps me improve. I hope you enjoyed the prologue, and stick around for the rest of the story!


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Well this is a nice, long, 15-page chapter. The longest I've written in a long time. I don't know that they will all be this long, but you never know. I'll ramble more after you read the chapter.

Side-note - this takes place about two months before the prologue. The next few chapters will continue off of this until we come full circle and wind up back to where the prologue takes place. Just to prevent confusion.

**WARNING!** This chapter is mostly why this story has to be rated M. If you are uncomfortable with that or are under-aged, then you have been warned and don't flame me solely based on the contents.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight. I wish I could have a chocolate-covered Robert Pattinson, though.

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**Chapter 1**: December 23rd

_Two months earlier ..._

It was a tradition that every year on December 23rd, my parents and I joined the Cullen family for the evening. My mother, Renee, and Esme Cullen have been best friends since they were in diapers, and even after so many years they were still attached at the hip. Charlie, my father, was introduced to Carlisle Cullen through Mom and Esme of course, and even though they were quite different, they were close as well. I would never try to jeopardize their tradition, and especially not their friendships, no matter how uncomfortable I was around Edward Cullen.

Renee and Esme did almost everything together, so when they were both pregnant at the same time, it was really no surprise to anyone. Their due dates were even the same day, September 4th, but babies were rarely born on time, with Edward being born a few days earlier and I popped out almost two weeks later. The best friends/new moms were convinced that their children would be the best of friends, and perhaps even marry one day, but if only they knew how things worked out.

Sure, Edward and I were best friends at first, but everything changed when middle school started. Girls would take one look into his gorgeous green eyes and then be all over him. I was used to Edward having other guy friends, and I got along with some of them, Jasper in particular, but all of these other females stirred something inside of me and I became insanely clingy and protective. He either didn't notice or didn't mind at first, but eventually he snapped and told me that I didn't own him, and I left him alone after that. Our friendship fizzled out, and by the start of high school, we only talked at our joint family functions to please our parents.

I thought that I would be over missing Edward by now, but it actually got worse and worse over time. What bothered me the most though was that I always felt electricity through even the smallest of accidental touches, I always melted whenever our eyes would me, and my heart would break every time I saw him with a girl that wasn't me. I just couldn't understand how I could still be drawn to him after being dumped as his friend for so long. Edward was a very attractive guy, I'll give him that, with his tousled bronze-colored hair that gleamed in the light, his tall, perfectly muscled frame, his gorgeously deep forest green eyes that I could stare at forever …

His only flaw was that he was completely out of my league, and would never do anything to change that. Damn high school cliques and their peer pressure.

So on my least favorite day of the year, a Saturday this time around, my parents and I climbed into my dad's police cruiser. Renee always insisted on sitting in the back – she didn't want to see her daughter as a criminal – and Charlie would always give her glances and winks through his rear-view mirror. I was seventeen now, so I knew exactly why my mom sat in the back of the car and I knew the intentions behind his expressions, but I liked to pretend that it would really break my mom's heart to see me in the back of a police car.

I spent the ten minute drive starring blankly out the window, watching the Christmas lights slowly disappear as we left the most densely populated area of Forks. The Cullen's home was just outside of the town, up a long, narrow driveway surrounded by trees, and was humongous. Carlisle is a doctor, which means that he has a fat enough paycheck to afford that house, a car for everyone in his family, and basically whatever else he wanted.

Charlie parked his cruiser outside of the garage that could easily double as a second home, and unfortunately that meant that I had to get out of the car now. I wasn't looking forward to this evening; pretending to be best friends with Edward hurt more than him ignoring me, because it only reminded me of what we used to be.

I trailed behind Renee, who had her arm linked in Charlie's, and I couldn't help but smile at them. My mom was always giddy with excitement the last few days before Christmas, and I enjoyed this childlike quality about her almost as much as my dad did. He smiled down at her as she talked a mile a minute about who knows what, and the love in his eyes radiated so strongly that it it was heat the snow would be melting around their bodies. I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever have that feeling with someone.

Mom didn't even bother knocking on the door; she just pushed it open and led me and Charlie inside. "We're here!" she shouted to capture the attention of the homeowners.

Esme appeared from the kitchen in her holiday-themed apron, which was covered in flour, and proceeded to hug Renee. "Renee! Thanks for coming!" She always said this, probably due to her always-polite nature.

"Oh Esme, you know I would never miss this night!" my mother replied, smiling even brighter than before if it was possible.

Carlisle appeared next, with his nephew Emmett right on his tail. Dr. Cullen and his wife adopted Emmett into their family after his parents had died in a car accident when he was about three-years-old. He was a freshman in college this year, so I hadn't seen him since we sent him off back in late August. I loved Emmett so much; he was like the big brother that I never had, and he told me once that he loved me more than he loved Edward, which amused me quite a bit.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, wrapping me up in one of his huge bear hugs. Emmett was a big guy, well over six feet tall and extremely well-built. I laughed as he lifted me off of the ground and spun me in a few circles. He set me down gently and had a huge grin on his face. "I missed you. College is boring. There isn't anyone for me to constantly make fun of there!"

I rolled my eyes, yet I wasn't surprised that this was the first thing that Emmett told me. "Gee, thanks. At least my clumsiness is beneficial for someone ..." I mumbled.

He chuckled, almost as loud as his normal booming laughter, and punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Man, I missed you, Bells." Emmett's facial expression hardened a bit, and he leaned down closer to me, as I was a good foot shorted than him. "Hey, has Eddie been giving you any crap lately? As much as I love the kid, there's no excuse for hurting my favorite unrelated family member."

"No, we've just been ignoring each other as usual," I explained, smiling slightly at his thoughtfulness. Emmett was the only person that knew about all of the awkward history between Edward and myself, and he had made it very clear that he would stick by me if something ugly happened, because apparently I was the more logical one. It felt nice to know that someone knew what was actually going on. "Thanks for asking, though." I wrapped my arms around his torso in another hug.

I heard Emmett let out a small sigh, and he hugged me back. "Don't worry about it, Bella." He planted a soft kiss on the top of my head and released me. "See you at dinner, Bells," he said, giving me another of his trademark smiles. You just couldn't help but smile back at that.

"See you, Em." I watch his retreating back disappear upstairs, probably up to his room to wrap presents last minute or something, and I saw a short, spiky-haired girl descending down the stairs. Alice was Carlisle and Esme's daughter, who was three years younger than me and absolutely adored me.

"Hi Bella!" Somehow, she ran down the stairs in her three-inch black heels and hugged me tightly. "I knew that I should have picked out your outfit today. You always dress so simply."

I sighed; I thought that I looked fine. I was wearing a dark green shirt covered by a white cardigan, a black skirt that hit at my knees and the only skirt I owned, and simple black ballet flats. I was freezing whenever I went outside, but I was hoping to at least mildly please Alice by dressing up a bit. Hell, I even curled my hair and put on a small amount of make-up, which I never did.

"Alice, I love you, I really do, but I'll never understand fashion, no matter how much you try to help me," I tried to explain.

Her expression was priceless – it was some kind of adorable anger coated her pixie-like features, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not giving up on you that easily!" she exclaimed as she tried to be intimidating. Somehow, I just couldn't be terrified of a fourteen-year-old girl who was still shorter than me in heels.

I smiled at her, shaking my head slightly and began to approach my parents. "Whatever you say, Alice." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walk into the kitchen that Esme still hadn't returned to. She was busy talking to Renee, while Carlisle and Charlie noticed me approaching.

Carlisle looked a lot like Edward, of course, with similar facial features and eyes. Dr. Cullen's were more brown though, and very warm and welcoming. His hair was kept short and was a nice golden blond, and he grinned at me as I walked closer. "Ah, Bella, it's nice to see you again."

"It's nice to see you too, Carlisle." He had always scolded me for calling him Dr. Cullen, and insisted that I called him by his first name considering our family's close relations.

Renee and Esme stopped talking at this point, and I was then hugged tightly by Esme. She smelled like Christmas cookies, and her long light brown hair got in my face. "Oh Bella, you're getting so beautiful," she said as she let go. Her eyes matched her hair, and her face was almost angelic. Esme was a fantastic person, and I was glad that my mother had such a great best friend. I heard footsteps in the background, and I tried my best to ignore them as I knew exactly who it would be.

"Thank you, Esme," I replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable from her compliment. I believed that adults who were close to your parents had to say things like that about the children, but I would never mention that out loud.

"Mom, may I borrow Bella for a moment?"

I froze at that velvety voice. Why would he want to talk to me now? Dinner wasn't for at least another fifteen minutes or so, and we never acknowledged each other before then. My stomach started churning from the nerves.

"Yes Edward, of course!" Esme replied, gently pushing me in her son's direction. I almost wish that our parents knew the truth at that moment.

I tried to just stare at my feet, but the weaker part of me slowly brought my gaze upwards. His black pants fit his legs perfectly, not too tight and not too loose, for me leaving too little to the imagination. His white button-up shirt was not tucked into his pants, leaving the shirt tails hanging over. My eyes crossed over each button, and I noticed that a few at the top were left open to show just a small amount of his perfectly sculpted chest. I felt my face get hot, knowing that I was blushing now, and I finally reached his face which took my breath away.

His lips were just a little more plump than your average guy's, and I wanted to touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked. I skipped his eyes, saving the best for last of course, and his copper hair was shaggy and reached his matching eyebrows. I decided to finally meet his gaze, overwhelmed once again by his beautiful eyes. The green color was so amazingly unique and bright that I would think he was wearing contacts if I didn't know any better. My knees suddenly felt like jelly and I could barely keep myself standing.

Edward smiled softly at me, and his eyes radiated calm, so I believed that it would be okay to be alone with him right now. He extended his hand towards me, probably just for show since our parents were still around, and I placed my smaller one inside of his own, sending shocks throughout my body. He led me to the living room, far enough from the front room for our parents to stay away, yet close enough for me to walk to without passing out, and we sat down on the love seat couch near the fireplace which crackled in the background.

"Bella," I loved the way he said my name, "I know you must be confused right now, but I really need to talk to you about something."

His words didn't help my confusion, of course. If anything they made it worse, but it was still more bearable than my anxiety. "Alright, Edward, what is it?"

He took a deep breath and looked right into my eyes. "I … I don't really know how to put this … um … well I don't think we have enough time to discuss this now … would you be alright with talking after dinner? I mean, we would most likely have to go to my room, but if that's awkward I'll try to find somewhere else for us to be alone - "

"Edward," I interrupted, "That's fine, and it probably wouldn't be any less awkward in a different room," I pointed out, blushing at that fact.

His smile was lovely and sent butterflies to invade my stomach. How did this beautiful boy manage to break my heart once, yet still have control over all of the remaining pieces?

"Thank you for giving me your time, Bella," Edward said softly as I swear a small blush crossed his cheeks.

I don't know how much more of this I could handle, so I forced myself to my feet. "It's no problem. I'll see you at dinner," I replied simply, leaving him before he could reply and rushing to hid in the bathroom.

As I slid onto the cool tiles of the bathroom floor, a breath I didn't know I was holding escaped my lips. Confusion almost felt like too light of a word to describe how I felt right now. Outside of the dinner table on this night, Edward never even gave me a second glance, but all of a sudden he wanted to have an intimate conversation with me? None of this made any sense to me, especially since yesterday at school he treated me exactly the way I was used to. But everything changed within a day, and now he wanted to talk to me, alone?

I couldn't imagine what in the world he would need to talk to me about so privately. The last talk we had like that was in fifth grade about how terrified of middle school we were. He probably wanted to ban me from his house, or talk me into transferring schools, or asking me to leave the country … but those options seem far too extreme, even though I know that Edward doesn't like me very much. Or maybe it was a good thing … but that seemed even more out of reach.

I let out a shaky stream of air as I pulled myself off of the floor. Dinner was probably ready about now, and knowing my luck time was about to fly by so in merely seconds I would be in Edward's room having perhaps the worst (or best) discussion of my life. The smells of Christmas dinner filled my nose as I walked through the halls, gradually becoming more prominent as I entered the kitchen. I asked Esme if there was anything I could do to help, but considering luck was never on my side, there was nothing left except for waiting at the dinner table.

Most of the family was already there; Carlisle and Charlie taking fatherly positions at each head of the table, and Emmett and Alice had a seat reserved for me right between them. Renee and Esme were still perfecting dishes, so assuming they were both going to sit next to their husbands, I would have to sit across from Edward. My insides ached at the thought, and Emmett seemed to catch on as I sat down. If only I was a little better at masking my emotions.

"Hey, Bells, are you alright?" he asked in a hushed tone.

Edward just had to come into the dining room at that point, and he sat down across from me, as to be expected, and gave me a small smile. I felt obligated to do the same, so I smiled back before addressing Emmett with a whisper of my own, "I'll be fine, don't worry."

He cocked an eyebrow at me, then glanced quickly at Edward who was engaged in a conversation with his father before dropping the subject. I could hear everyone around me chatting casually, but I couldn't concentrate on anything. Renee or Esme would appear every few seconds to place something else on the table, and soon we were holding hands to say grace before dinner.

I spent most of the time talking to Emmett, asking about college life and listening to his strange stories, laughing when it was appropriate. Alice insisted that I drive her to the nearest mall for after-Christmas sales, mentioning something about fixing my wardrobe that I decided to pretend that I didn't hear. Occasionally throughout the meal, I would lock eyes with Edward, but one of us would turn away before a word was necessary.

Dinner was over much sooner than I had wanted it to be, and everyone dispersed into different areas of the house. Alice went into the kitchen to finish making cookies like she did every year, Renee and Esme went to the living room most likely to gossip like my gender usually does, while Carlisle, Charlie, and Emmett disappeared into the garage. That, of course, left me and Edward alone together.

He said nothing to me as we ascended up the stairway to his bedroom. Usually I would prefer this, but right now I would love to take my mind off of the possible directions of what Edward so badly wanted to talk about. It certainly didn't help matters that his room was at the very end of the long hallway.

"Well, here we are," he told me, opening the doorknob. "Of course, there is a small chance that you already knew that."

I haven't been in Edward's room for so many years that I didn't even remember that it was in this part of the house. A blush crept on my face as I felt that I should have remembered this detail since he had brought it up. "Actually, I didn't remember," I explained, looking at my feet.

He chuckled lightly, a nervous reaction considering it only lasted for a second, and we entered his room. There was nothing too special about his room, aside from the fact that it was his. The walls were simply white, except for one wall that was primarily glass. I recalled this detail as I would love to have a view that spectacular from my room, but everything else was foreign. His bed was too large for one person and was covered in black and green bedding, which I thought suited him perfectly. There were also other common things in his room, a television, a stereo, CDs, a bookshelf, and a desk that was covered in pictures. These images caught my interest, so I walked over to the area as Edward shut the door.

Some of the pictures I could have guessed at, like a picture of our high school's swim team he was on, a few pictures with friends, and even some of him and his family. However, one picture stood out from the rest, and I picked it up to examine it more closely.

It was a picture from our very first day of preschool. Mom and Esme had bombarded us with pictures that day, so we got to a point where we had extremely ridiculous poses. This picture was one of my personal favorites, though, even to this day. Edward had decided that he was strong enough to pick me up, so he did, but it didn't go as we expected it to. We were pictured on the grass, me laying on top of him mid-laugh and Edward's face was scrunched up in pain as I had landed on him quite painfully. The memory made me giggle, and I heard him laughing from behind me.

"This picture is one of my favorites," he said after the laughing ceased and I set it back in it's place.

I turned around, blushing at how close we were, but managed to smile at him. "It's one of my favorites too."

He walked slowly and sat on his bed, motioning for me to come sit near him. I did what he silently asked and sat down awkwardly on the edge of his bed. He moved a little closer to me, using his arms to support his weight, and one of them was placed behind me. I blushed again as I turned to look at him, itching to find out why we were here.

Edward was blushing now, and the color got even deeper as he slowly reached up to move a strand of hair out of my face. His action only made me blush harder as well. So far we were getting absolutely nowhere.

"Bella," he began, "I … um … you so look beautiful tonight." He whispered it so quietly that I wasn't sure that I had heard him correctly. But Edward was about as red as I was now, so I assumed that I had just heard him call me beautiful.

"Thank you Edward," I replied softly. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are we up here?"

Edward's eyes moved from my face down to his bed, playing with a loose thread to perhaps calm his nerves. "Well, I … I don't really know how to start," he muttered, "I don't want to overwhelm you or anything, but I think it would be better for me to just come out and say it."

I was very curious now, as this could still be something bad or something good. I really hoped that it was a good thing. "You can tell me, Edward," I tried to assure him. The idea of it being good gave me a small amount of self-confidence, so I reached over and placed one of my hands on top of Edward's, gently stroking it.

His face turned a light red, again, which was adorable by the way, and he seemed to be battling a conflict inside of his head. "Bella, I … um … I … these past few years have been some of the worst of my life, and … I … I think it's because I miss you. So much."

I froze, trying to absorb what he had just confessed to me. My hand was still resting on his, and I suddenly became very well-aware of our physical contact. Edward missed me? A small amount of hope swelled in my heart, and maybe things could go back to normal between us. Or maybe I could have him in every way I wanted him, which was a lot more than just my friend. I couldn't help but wonder if Edward felt what I did right now as our hands were so innocently connected. It was a strong tingling sensation that radiated through my body, and it only got stronger as I thought that he could feel the same …

"Bella?"

I realized that I haven't responded to his words yet, and I blushed more at that thought. My face would be in a permanent state of crimson by the end of the night. "Sorry Edward, I zoned out. I … I really miss you too, but … what does that mean for us?" I asked.. That would probably be the best way for me to get some of the answers I needed.

A brilliant smile lit up his face for a few seconds before it slightly died down. "Well, I … don't really know to be honest. I never thought that you would actually miss me too," Oh Edward, if only you knew, "But … I know that you really mean a lot to me, even after all of this time," he confessed, becoming less embarrassed and more confident.

I smiled softly at him, trying my best to keep my face a normal color. "You mean a lot to me too," I told him, looking down at our hands.

He slowly twisted his hand around, and our fingers wrapped themselves around each other. My heart swelled with pride, and I decided to meet Edward's eyes again. His face was beaming, and it made me smile too. This felt like a dream, and I hoped that I would never wake up. As long as Edward wasn't planning on breaking my heart again, then this was better than anything that I could ask for.

"Bella? Bella, where are you?"

I dropped Edward's hand at the sound of my mother's voice and practically jumped off of the bed. "We're in here, Mom!" I shouted, blushing once again. I met Edward's gaze, and we smiled at each other. Our parents didn't have to know about something that might be going on between us just yet.

The door opened and Renee stumbled inside. "I'm sorry to bother you two, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," she said, winking at me which didn't help my complexion.

"Mom! You know me better than that!" I exclaimed.

"Oh Bella, I was just kidding! But I have something to tell both of you, actually," she replied, almost bouncing off the walls in excitement. "A huge blizzard decided to hit right after we got here, Bella, and the roads are closed until at least tomorrow afternoon! So we get to spend the night here!"

I briefly let my thoughts wonder to a naughtier side that involved Edward and his room, but I quickly let those thoughts aside. "That should be fun," I said casually, while I was just as excited as her on the inside.

"I know, I'm so excited! Now come on you two, Alice's cookies are finished, and we have to arrange our sleeping arrangements!" Renee bounded out of the room, with Edward and I trailing behind her.

"Bella," I turned to face Edward, "If you don't mind I'd like to spend more time with you later tonight," he told me. I swear there was a small amount of seductive in his tone.

"I would like that too," I replied, abandoning him to catch up with my mom. She led me a little farther down the hallway to where the Cullen's had their guest rooms. Renee picked the one with the larger bed, of course, and I had the room right next to theirs. Ideally I wouldn't need that room, but I couldn't tell Renee that, of course.

We went downstairs right after finding our rooms, and everyone else was waiting for us in the living room. Alice sprinted over to me, jumping up and down with joy. "Bella! I'm so excited that you're spending the night! You can borrow my clothes if they fit you, and I can give you a facial and paint your nails and - "

"Alice, slow down!" I interrupted, "First of all, I think I'd be closer to Emmett's size than yours," I pointed out, poking at her two inch waist which made her giggle, "Second of all, you can make me over all you want as long as you promise to not overdo it."

She clapped her hands in excitement. "Great! Maybe we can steal some of Edward's clothes then, I think he might have some smaller things that should fit you ..." She grabbed my hand and sat me down on one of the many couches in the living room, next to her and Emmett again, and shoved me a cookie.

Alice's cookies were some of the best I've ever tasted, with the perfect balance of sugar cookie and frosting. They were definitely one of my favorite parts of this evening now that she was allowed to bake.

Our parents always told their favorite Christmas stories while we ate our cookies and drank hot chocolate, and we could probably recite them perfectly after hearing them so many times. I just couldn't make myself pay attention. I looked over at Edward, who was staring back at me. We blushed on cue and I gave him a shy smile.

Emmett chose this moment to lightly jab me with his elbow, and my attention shifted to give him a glare while rubbing my arm. His hazel eyes were asking me what I was doing, and I just shrugged. No one needed to know anything until something was confirmed between Edward and I.

Charlie let out a yawn, giving Renee a wink that I knew only she and I saw. Disgusting old man. "Well, I think it's about time we quiet down now." He looked down at his watch. "It is almost eleven."

All of the adults voiced their agreement and nearly ran up the stairs. Alice groaned in disgust as she grabbed my wrist. "Hey, Edward, do you have anything Bella can wear tonight?" My face heated up at her forwardness. Not that I minded wearing anything of Edward's, of course.

I saw Emmett trying to hold in a laugh as he got up from the couch. "Well kids, I'm heading out now. One of my friends from college lives here in Forks, so I'm just going to chill there for a while. Have fun, but not too much Bella," he said, laughing at full volume now. Damn him. If I didn't love Emmett so much I would hate him. He ruffled Edward's hair and gave me and Alice hugs.

"You're seeing a girl, aren't you Em?" I whispered to him. It was his turn to blush, and he clasped his hand over my mouth.

"I'll tell you about it later, Bells," he promised, sprinting towards the garage. Alice dragged me over to take her brother's arm and she forced us both up the stairs. For such a tiny person she was surprisingly strong.

"Alright you two, go find something for Bella to wear, and don't take too long!" she exclaimed, nearly pushing us into Edward's room.

I sighed in mild frustration as I tried to remember why I liked Alice. I didn't have much time to ponder though, because now Edward's hand was on mine and led me over to sit on his bed while he searched for something that would fit me. He went into one of the top drawers in his dresser and quickly pulled out a few things. Maybe the drawer was filled with things that were too small for him.

"Um, these should fit you," he said as he handed me his clothes. I blushed heavily when I noticed that he had given me a pair of boxer shorts along with a t-shirt, and I looked up at him with mild confusion. "Don't worry about those, I never wear them. They're too small ..." he trailed off, and we both turned bright magenta at his statement.

I stood up abruptly and proceeded to the door. "Thanks for this Edward. Well, um … I guess I'll see you later tonight?" I asked, wondering if he still had his offer.

He grinned widely at me, so I already knew the answer. "Of course," he supplied.

I gave him one last smile and left his room to be tortured by Alice. She was pacing impatiently by the door and gave me a look when I shut the door behind me. "Oh my gosh, Bella, were you going to make me wait all night?" she nearly shrieked, pulling me towards her room.

"Alice, I was only in there for five minutes!" I protested. "Edward did need to find something for me, and that wasn't necessarily an easy task."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you know as well as I do that he's one of the most organized boys ever."

We entered her room, which was painted with blues, purples, and pinks, and she gave me a moment to change in her adjoining bathroom. The counter top was covered in various beauty products, half of which I knew Alice would be using on me tonight. I changed quickly into Edward's clothes, blushing as I put on the shorts, and reluctantly rejoined Alice who had simply changed in her room. She giggled at my outfit, and I knew exactly why.

"Alright Bella, let's start by removing your make-up …" she said as she took me back into the bathroom. She placed me in a chair and I forced myself to relax as she wiped every trace of make-up from my face. Alice then used a fancy cleanser and moisturizer to further clean and soften my skin. I was surprised that she was going this easy on me, but I was just going to bed as far as she knew.

Alice never talked while she worked, telling me once that she needed to concentrate on doing everything right before she could socialize. This silence was comfortable, and it continued as she ran a heat protector through my hair and began to straighten it. My thoughts wondered to Edward for probably the hundredth time tonight. I loved spending time with Alice when she wasn't getting on my nerves, but tonight I just wanted to see him. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me tonight, but I knew that we had a lot to talk about, like what we both wanted from each other. Sure, I wanted everything from him, but I would accept just his friendship over nothing. But the way he was looking at me in his room earlier, and the way he was holding my hand made the romantic in me believe that he felt the same way that I did.

By this point Alice was swiping a top coat over an emerald-colored nail polish that reminded me a little of Edward's eyes. I must have really zoned out if Alice was already at this point. She finished all of the nails and grabbed her hair dryer to make them solidify faster. "Alright, I'm all done here, Bella. I rushed a little bit because you feel a little warm and I don't want to keep you awake if you're getting sick."

It wasn't a sickness that made me skin heat up. "That's sweet of you Alice, but I'm sure I'll be fine -"

"No, I insist," she replied, turning off the dryer and letting me check her handiwork. Alice was really fantastic at what she did. My skin looked so much clearer after she was done with it and my nails looked professionally done. I thanked her again, bid her goodnight, and walked towards Edward's room instead of my own. I knocked on the door softly, not wanting to barge right in, and waited for him to open the door.

The door flew open and I felt an arm around my waist pull me inside. I gasped quietly at the sudden physical contact, but Edward kept his hold on me and he closed and locked his bedroom door. That act alone confirmed to me that something was definitely going to happen here tonight.

A lone lamp sitting on his nightstand was the only light that was on, but it was enough for me to see the lustful expression in his eyes. He was only wearing a wife-beater top and his own pair of boxers, and I briefly noted that we were matching at the moment. His eyes scanned my body and I saw him smirk slightly when he saw that I was indeed wearing his clothes.

"You know," he began, his voice laced with sex, "You look really adorable wearing my clothes."

My face was burning, either from a blush or from extra heat being radiated from in between my legs, but I didn't know which. "Thank you again for letting me borrow them," I replied safely, putting some space between us. I had to find out if he wanted what I thought he did, and no matter how bad I was at picking up signals, I knew that I would be able to figure this out.

The corners of Edward's mouth turned down a bit at the present distance between us. "It's no problem, Bella." He bit his bottom lip and looked down at the floor, and I had a strong urge to hug him at this moment. I knew that he was feeling one of two things right now: he either felt stupid and that I had just rejected him, or he was regretting inviting me in here tonight. I had to replay his greeting in my head to remind myself that it had to be the first option, and it was now my turn to make a move if I wanted to progress things between us.

I took a few steady breaths for good measure, and I reached out to take Edward's hand in my own. He looked up at me with confusion, but his face changed to the one from when I entered when I led him to his bed. His eyes met my own, so I was hoping that my facial expression was one similar to his own.

"Edward, I … I'm not very good at this - " I was silenced by his finger against my lips, and he put his other hand on my cheek. I let out whatever air was leftover in my lungs as his face slowly came closer to mine.

"Bella," he whispered, and I still loved how he said my name, "As long as it's you then it will be perfection," he assured. Then he closed the gap between our lips.

Kissing Edward was something that I never thought I would get to experience. But as soon as our lips connected, something awoke in me, telling me that somehow this was always meant to happen. I felt like I was flying as our mouths moved together in perfect rhythm, and I never wanted to come back down. New confidence started to flow through my veins so my hands left my sides and started to comb through his hair. It felt silkier than I had imagined, but surely nowhere near greasy. I heard him moan against my lips and he pulled me down so we could lay on his bed.

I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of the night just kissing and touching Edward's hair and face as he stroked my own hair or cheek, but when one of his hands traced my back down to my waist, other ideas coursed through my mind. He pulled me closer so my chest was pressed against his and I felt my nipples harden at the contact. I became aware now that I wasn't wearing a bra anymore, but that thought was old news when Edward's hand slipped under my shirt to rub my bare skin.

This new sensation felt like nothing I had ever experienced and made me pull him by his shirt even closer to my body. He took this as an invitation to continue, traveling further upward. Edward's rough fingertips traced over my spine and drew circles over the skin of my back. I felt the need to return the favor so I released his hair and trailed down to the hem of his shirt, yanking it up to expose his torso to me. He willingly obliged and let me removed his top, and I took a moment to admire the lovely muscles of his chest and stomach.

Edward didn't let me stare for long though, and he pulled my face back to his. My hands flew everywhere across his newly exposed skin, tracing from his chest down his ribs, drawing the lines of his abs, and back up again. These touches made him travel back out of my shirt and he started playing with the bottom of my t-shirt, cautiously pushing it up. When I didn't object, he pulled it slowly over my lower back, then my stomach, then my upper back before pausing his motions, the shirt exposing everything just below my breasts. I encouraged Edward by rubbing his warm back reassuringly, running up his spine like he had done to my own, and within seconds our kiss broke again so he could pull the item over my head.

I became very aware of being shirtless as I felt Edward's body heat near my nipples. My instincts forced me to use one of my arms to cover my naked breasts, while my other hand rested on his chest. He smiled sweetly at me, and placed his hand softly on my arm, gripping my wrist. "Bella, sweetheart, you don't need to be embarrassed," he said sweetly, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Every part of you is beautiful."

His words were more then enough to reassure me, but my voice was lost, so I simply nodded and let him move my arm to touch his own chest again. I could tell he was fighting the urge to look down, but he kept his eyes locked on mine until we began kissing again. The course of the night was finally taking its tole on my nerves, and they grew as Edward's hand moved down my arm and stopped right beside my right breast. My breathing stopped as his fingers lightly moved towards their destination, and he hesitated for a moment before carefully grasping my boob.

Pleasure ripped it's way through my body at this new touch. Edward's hand felt much different than my own and at least a million times better. The pads of his fingers pushed their way into the soft skin with just the right amount of pressure, his palm occasionally pressing into my nipple somehow making it harder. A moan out of my control escaped my lips, which in turn caused Edward to pull me closer and work my mound even faster. My hands gripped his back a little harder than they were before, especially as his digits moved south to rub the very peak of my breast. The tiniest of circles were traced and the subtlest of tugs were performed, but it was enough to make my body rise a few degrees in temperature.

I felt a tingling sensation at my womanhood as Edward played with my breast, and I knew that I would last much longer until my first orgasm overtook me. I took a large breath through my mouth so I wouldn't pass out, and Edward started a trail of kisses from the corner of my mouth. He traveled down my chin, then my neck, my collarbone, and then at last he planted one right above my left boob that nearly made me lose control. I whimpered in pleasure as his lips encased my left nipple in his mouth as he continued his hand movements on the right. I felt his tongue experimentally flick it with his tongue and I gasped at the sensation and gripped his hair for something to hold on to. The combination of his hand and his mouth was absolutely incredible and I knew it wouldn't be long now. My pelvis unconsciously started grinding against his hips, and with one more movement of his tongue I was gone.

My orgasm was expected, but I had no idea it would feel like this. All of the tension that had built up in my lower region had been released in seconds, and my body fell limp against the bed while I tried to catch my breath. Edward smiled triumphantly down at me and planted a firm, short kiss on my lips. I grinned back at him and connect our lips again. I was becoming more bold as we continued our actions, so I let my instincts take over as my hand went to acknowledge the growing bulge in Edward's boxers.

He groaned, one of the sexiest noises I've heard so far, so I must be doing something right. I moved my hand from where it started to as far down as I could find, trying to get a gist of his size. I had no personal experiences with penises, but I knew from health class that Edward was at least a little above average. I had no idea what this would mean for me if, or when, we got to sex, but I didn't have to worry about that yet.

Edward was becoming impatient with my timid motions so he shoved his boxers down his legs. My hand came in contact with his erection, and the smallest brush would cause him to force himself further into my hand. I gripped the base lightly in my right hand, and Edward gripped my shoulder in response. I dragged my hand slowly towards the tip, feeling the smooth skin follow my movements. Edward moaned as my thumb rubbed the head of his penis, a small drop of fluid gathering at the top. I continued a pattern of starting at one end then going back to the other, paying extra attention to the areas that made him squirm with pleasure. I gradually quickened my pace, feeling him thrust into my hand harder and harder. I heard him moan my name once before I felt his dick jerk and send streams of semen into my hand.

"Bella ..." he panted, kissing my cheek. He held my face in his hands and kissed every inch of my face, whispering my name in between kisses. He sat up for a second, grabbing his shirt from the floor and handing it to me to wipe my hand off. "Bella, you are amazing," he said, continuing his kisses as I got rid of all traces of sperm on my hand. I tossed the cloth back on the floor and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing his lips again.

"To be honest I had no idea what I was doing," I confessed, running my hands through his hair again. I adored the way it felt.

He chucked lightly and rubbed my back lovingly. "Well you certainly fooled me," he whispered. Edward tilted my chin up and pressed his lips to mine again, more ferociously than previous kisses to my face.

During our kissing he laid me on my back, keeping one hand on my waist while the other teased the elastic of his boxers that I was still wearing. My body became aware of his purpose and my hips thrust towards the ceiling, making it easy for Edward to slide the shorts down my legs. The heat from my core was so strong that I felt it all down my inner thighs, and I could feel myself getting wet again just from Edward's hand hovering over my sex. His fingers rubbed softly against the crotch of my underwear, too softly, and I couldn't believe the feelings of pleasure it gave me.

Every stroke he made was match with a thrust of my own. My thoughts became fuzzy and incoherent; all I could focus on was how good it felt to have Edward's hand between my legs. His finger hooked itself inside my panties and pulled them down, and once they were at my ankles I kicked them off since they were becoming a nuisance. He pushed my legs apart, and one ended up trapped between his legs so I felt his penis against my hip.

His hand was back at my crotch and he began to tease my outer lips, causing me to shift impatiently. Edward's pointer finger made one long stroke from my opening to my clitoris, which made me moan louder than I thought I could. He smiled against my lips and did the same movement, gradually adding more fingers until his entire hand was rubbing my pussy. After a few rotations he stopped at my clit, three of his fingers circling the bundle of nerves, more ecstasy running through my veins. Edward knew that I was a virgin before we started this, so when his pointer finger reached my vagina he became more cautious, not wanting to hurt me. There was one inside, then two, pushing in and out at an increasing speed. His thumb found my clit again, rubbing it to add to the good feelings he was creating. It wouldn't be long now – I couldn't control my thrashing from the waist down. His fingers thrust further inside of me and I felt my walls clamp down, trapping them inside until the floodgates opened, sending me into my second orgasm.

Edward broke away from my face to let me breath. I saw stars and felt incredibly dizzy, but it was well worth it. I heard him fumbling in his nightstand, looking for something, and I knew he had found it when I heard the crinkling sound of the wrapper. He tore open the package quickly and slid the condom down his harden length, and my stomach trembled with nerves and excitement.

He rolled over, and landed so he was on top of me and resting in the middle of my legs. His clean hand ran through my hair while he leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Bella, are you sure you want this?" he asked, his deep green eyes staring into mine.

I nodded, pulled his face to mine, and kissed him once. "Yes. I haven't been more sure of anything," I assured.

Edward smiled, gave me one more tender kiss, then guided his arousal to my opening. I braced myself for whatever was about to happen, and took a sharp breath as he took his first push to get inside. It hurt, like my body was being ripped in half starting at my ass, but if I let Edward know that, then he would stop, and I didn't want that since I knew it would get better. He started to push again, grunting a bit and mumbling words that I couldn't understand. The pain got worse with every motion, and I thought it would never end. But then, Edward started making the same thrusts that he did with his fingers, and the pain started to change into pleasure, and massive waves of it. He had one hand cupped on my ass and the other pulled one of my leg to lock around his waist, pushing himself even deeper inside of me.

The pain completely subsided and I gripped Edward's shoulders for support, matching his pumps with ones of my own. Our joint pattern got faster and faster, and the pleasure was growing exponentially. Edward was moaning my name as I was moaning his. My other leg hooked itself around his waist and the head of his penis hit something inside me and I came instantly every time he reached it. Edward made one last thrust, crying out my name before I felt him spasm and collapse, still inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close, and I hugged him back.

He slipped out at last, and had to let go of me to remove his condom and throw it in the trash. I used the time to push his covers down and go under them, pulling the blankets to my chest. Edward returned as fast as possible and he pulled me to his body again. I could stay in his embrace like this for the rest of my life, but I wasn't finished with him just yet.

"Edward, can I ask you for something?"

"Of course honey," he replied, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "What is it?"

"Um … well … this night was fantastic, but … to be honest … uh … I always imagined that I would have my first time ... naturally, if you know what I mean …"

"Oh … so you mean without a -"

I blushed, snuggling into his chest so he couldn't see my face. "Um, yeah. I just always thought that it would feel a lot better, but if you don't want to then that's okay ..." I trailed off, too embarrassed to continue.

The next thing I knew Edward was on top of me, his erection pressed into my thigh. "I want to make you happy, Bella," he explained. "And I think you're right about it feeling better."

He was inside of me again before I could respond, and we moaned at the same time. This did feel better, if that was even possible, and I knew that Edward felt so, too. Every thrust evoked a new whimper from me, and I orgasmed again before I knew it. I heard Edward groan, a sound full of pleasure and frustration, and he pulled out and rubbed himself until he ejaculated a few seconds later on my thigh, letting out a shaky sign of relief.

"That was really close, but that was fantastic," he whispered. He used the sheet from his bed to clean my leg for me, and I nodded in agreement. I felt amazing, like I was on this high that I would never come down from. This had turned out so much better than I had ever expected it to – and I brought Edward to me again and held him close.

"I have something to tell you," we both said at the same time.

"You go first, please," I said to him, giving him a small smile. I wasn't going to make my confession until I heard what he had to say.

He sighed, and began to stroke my hair again. "Oh Bella ..." he said softly. I saw his bottom lip tremble, and then he started to cry, hard, and fell into my chest, pulling me close as he sobbed. My heart ached hearing him cry, making me want to cry too, but I just rubbed his hair and back until he regained control.

"Bella … did we mess up by doing this? I mean, sweetie, I just got you back hours ago, and I don't want to lose you again by taking things too fast ..."

I didn't know what to say to that. Maybe we did mess up tonight, as nice as it was. Edward thought that he was going to lose me by moving too fast, so maybe I shouldn't tell him what I was going to. Maybe we should just be friends for a while, even if it did hurt me. I just wanted what is best for him though, because his happiness is more important than mine …

"Edward … I … I don't know. This night was amazing, but do you think we should backtrack and just be friends for now?"

He stopped moving his hand, keeping it intertwined in my hair, and didn't respond right away. "I … I think that would be for the best."

I felt my heart shatter, and I fought the tears building in my eyes. "O-okay ..." I whispered. I started to get up, but I felt his hand close around my wrist.

"Bella, wait. Let's just have tonight, please. Don't leave." Edward's voice broke on his last word, and that was enough. The part of me that always wanted to please him crawled back into bed with him. He sighed in what I would like to say is relief, but I just didn't know anymore. He hugged me like if he let go I would disappear forever, so I let him and myself spend this night experiencing what could have been.

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**A/N**: Well, what did you think? This is my third time writing a lemon, my second time posting one on this site. I would say that I have improved greatly from my first. It was so hard for me to write as, I will admit, I have no experience in the area. But nonetheless, it was a great challenge and essential to the story as you will soon find out or already know. Also, do NOT flame me for the lemon. I did give a warning at the beginning of the chapter.

Please review! I would appreciate the feedback.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Alright, new chapter, hooray! This was somewhat hard for me to write, as there isn't much that is too dramatic after the beginning, but you'll see. I'd prefer to talk more after you get to read the chapter.

Oh, and let me know in a review or a message if I made any grammatical mistakes. I don't have a beta reader right now, because I usually just proofread myself, but there's a chance that I overlooked something.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight, nor do I own the song "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Some of the lyrics were used in this chapter, but they are not my words.

I would love to own me some Robert Pattinson, though.

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**Chapter 2**: Already Gone

I woke up with a start, feeling a limp arm fall from my waist as I sat up. My body was beading with sweat and I was still shaking from my nightmare. I could never remember the details of these horrific dreams – all I knew is that they always scared the living daylights out of me and I could rarely go back to sleep after they woke me up.

Dried tears were streaked down my cheeks; I finally broke down after I thought that Edward was asleep, but my sobs had woken him up so he held me and stroked my hair until I cried myself to sleep. I didn't want him to see me like that, to see the pain that he had caused. I never told him why I was crying, he never asked, but he must have known why. Just thinking about last night brought them back, moisture coating the rims of my eyelids, just threatening to drop –

But no, I wouldn't let them. I couldn't let Edward see me cry for him again, even though he must surely be asleep right now. It was just after five in the morning, about four hours since I had given him my heart again, only to get it back in pieces. I know he cared about me, at least a little bit, but it wasn't nearly as much as I cared for him. He just couldn't feel like I did, otherwise I wouldn't feel so broken inside right now.

I stole a glance at Edward's sleeping form, even though I regretted that action as soon as I made it. Just looking at him reminded me of what had happened. His forehead was creased and a frown made its way on his sculpted face, looking completely out of place. My shaky hand ran its way through his hair, an action beyond my control, and this made his features relax, for reasons unknown to me. There was no way that it was just because it was my touch, though.

He shifted his position, causing me to jerk my hand away. His right arm felt around the side where I had been sleeping, and his brow furrowed in confusion. Edward opened his eyes slowly, rubbing them before looking over in my direction.

"Go back to sleep, Edward," I told him, my tone harsher than I had intended.

I think I saw him flinch at my words, but I couldn't be sure. He sat up and began to stretch and yawn. "I don't think I could even if I tried. What time is it?"

I looked over at the clock my body was hiding from his view. "Five fifteen." I shifted so I was facing away from him and my legs were hanging off of the side of the bed. His gaze was burning into my back, so I took a deep breath before turning to meet his concerned emerald eyes.

"Bella," he grabbed one of my hands in his before continuing, focusing his eyes on them now. The feelings of love and comfort were still there when he touched me, but now they were accompanied with heartache, so it wasn't as nice anymore. "I … are you mad at me?" he asked cautiously, refusing to make eye contact.

Edward's question threw me off-guard and into a whole new realm of thoughts. It would be so much easier to place all of the blame on him, saying that he was the sole reason for my pain, which in a way he was. But that wasn't true – it was my fault for letting things get out of hand. I should have known better than to believe that Edward was going to feel the same way that I did.

"... No, Edward, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself, although it does hurt to be around you right now," I confessed, pushing myself off of his bed. I wanted to get out of this room, but we weren't finished just yet.

He exhaled, and I knew he got out of his bed too. I stopped just two feet away from his door to let him catch up to me. Edward's arms locked around my waist while he buried his face in my hair. This embrace was borderline painful now, yet I was too weak to escape it. I lost my hold of my tears and let them stream down my cheeks as he held me. So much for not crying in front of him.

"Don't blame yourself," he urged sharply, but keeping his tone soft. "I didn't stop us either, but if I had known that this was going to happen then I wouldn't have let things get so far between us. Please trust me, Bella. I still care about you."

My hair was getting wet now, but I didn't care. My knees started to give out and I fell to the floor, taking Edward with me. I let him turn me around so he could hold me while I cried, and I did the same for him. _Whatever makes him happy, no matter what it does to me._ I reminded myself.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice thick with tears, "Please, tell me if there's anything I can do for you. I don't want to lose you again."

I knew exactly what I wanted, what I needed, even though I knew that it was the one thing that he didn't need right now.

"I need space," I managed, pushing out of his arms to stand. "If we're going to work things out with us then I can't be around you for a while," I confided, my volume dropping, "It hurts too much right now."

He nodded, looking almost as torn as I felt. "I understand," he replied, "I'll wait for you."

I gave him a watery smile as I backed up to his door. "Thank you, Edward," I whispered so softly that I didn't think he had heard me until I saw him nod once. I turned the doorknob to leave, not looking back once as I walked quietly down the Cullen's large hallway. No one else would be awake right now, but I didn't want to know what would happen if I was caught leaving Edward's room, so I quickened my pace to the guest room.

As soon as I let myself inside and locked the door, I collapsed onto the bed and let my sobs overtake me. Everything that I had always wanted had been in my reach, but a few minutes was more than enough to make it all fly away from me again. I longed for his touch, to be in his arms and never have to leave, but that was something I couldn't have now. Edward just wanted my friendship, that I was convinced of, but I couldn't even give that to him, so I messed things up and left us both hurt and confused.

Crying always took a lot out of me, so I let the exhaustion and my tears take me into a deep, dreamless sleep.

- - -

_Tap, tap, tap_

"Bella? Are you awake sweetie?"

Renee's soft voice disrupted my sleep. I dragged myself off of the bed, noticing that I hadn't even bothered with the covers, and opened the door for my mother. "I'm up now."

She smiled at me and pushed my hair from my face. I hadn't even noticed that it was in the way. "Well, it's about eleven right now, and the roads have been cleared. If you're ready then we can leave for home now."

Going home never sounded better right now. The farther I could be from Edward right now the better. "Is Alice awake? I left my clothes in her room."

"Oh, yeah, she brought them out a while ago, they're right here." She reached down on the floor next to the door and grabbed my things for me. "Your dad and I will be waiting down in the living room for you."

"Okay, I'll be right down," I said, shutting the door. Renee wasn't always the brightest bulb, but she knew when something was wrong with me, like in the way she interacted with me just now. She wouldn't pry and force me to tell her what was wrong, but it was going to eat at her until I talked to her about something.

While I was dressing, I contemplated what I was going to have to tell her. There was no way I was going to tell her that Edward and I had sex – that would be something she would tell Charlie, and I didn't want Edward to be killed by my father. I guess I could just tell her that we had been arguing, after all, it was close to what had actually happened.

Edward's clothes were lying on the floor at my feet. I was glad to be out of them – one less thing that reminded me of him. I quickly folded them before I left the room, and I made my way down the now familiar path to his room. I refused to greet him in person again, especially after all I had said about needing to be away from him. It was the least I could do, so I just left his clothing outside of his bedroom where he would find it at some point.

I made my way down the stairs, and I tried my hardest to think of something that wasn't about Edward. It occurred to me that Emmett had gone out last night, despite the roads being closed, so I wondered if he had made it okay to the girl's house. I knew exactly what he must have been doing last night, the same thing that I had done – and then I mentally cursed myself for coming full circle with my thoughts. I was trying to avoid that, not connect everything …

Speaking of Emmett, he was dancing up the stairs far too gracefully for someone of his size, throwing in an occasional spin or swoon. He saw me, smiled, then picked me up as he passed me, causing me to shriek. "Emmett! What are you doing?"

He just sighed happily. "Oh Bella, I think I'm in love!" he exclaimed, spinning me once before setting me on my feet. "The girl I was with – Rosalie – she's so unlike anyone I've ever met before! She's so strong and confident, and one of the most gorgeous women I've ever met! And get this Bells, she fixes cars! How fucking sexy is that?"

Hearing about Emmett's love only made me think even more about mine, and despite my better judgment I let my mask crumble away to let the sadness coat my face. "That's great, Em," I managed, trying to keep my voice steady.

Somehow Emmett began to snap out of his trance and he placed his strong hands on my shoulders. "Hey, Bella, are you alright?"

I lost it – my eyes exploded with tears and sobs began to fill my throat. I was barely aware of Emmett scooping me up to carry me to his room. I took a few minutes to collect myself and steady my breathing. He just sat there patiently, running his hands through his short, curly brown hair. Once I could breath easily again, he crouched down in front of me.

"Alright Bells, who do I have to kill?" he asked, his voice quiet and gentle but dead serious.

I gave him a small smile. "No one, this is my fault," I replied.

I don't know why, or how, but I told Emmett the full story. By the end, he was clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. "Emmett, please don't hurt Edward, it wasn't just his fault, it was mostly mine, and please don't tell anyone about this. I want to just keep it between us," I told him. I would probably die if anyone else knew what had happened, and I would probably kill Emmett if he hurt Edward after I asked him not to.

He let out a frustrated sigh, racking his hands through his hair again. "If you insist, Bells. But if you ever change your mind, I won't hesitate," he assured, "Anyway, Bella, I'm so sorry that all of this had to happen. You know I'll always be here for you if you need to talk, right?"

"I know Emmett. Thank you," I replied, standing up slowly. He stood as well and walked me over to the door. I stopped before leaving and gave him a huge hug. "I hope I can see you again before you go back to college."

"Of course you will Bells," he told me as he hugged me back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I giggled, the sound almost foreign to me right now. "Love you, Em." I walked through the threshold back into the hallway, giving him a parting wave.

"Love you too, Bells."

Talking to Emmett helped feel a little bit better than I was before. This time when I went down the stairs, I had no interruptions, and my parents were waiting in the living room just like they said they would be. I cleared my throat, disrupting their conversation so they knew that I was ready. Renee gave me a worried stare, but I pretended that I didn't see it. We left silently through the front door as Carlisle, Esme, and perhaps Edward were all still asleep. I was satisfied that we weren't staying long enough for me to see him again.

The rest of Christmas Eve went by like a blur to me. I barely recall getting inside my house and up to my room, yet alone anything else that was going on. My parents were talking downstairs – probably about me – but I couldn't say for sure. Hours passed as I lay in my bed, curled up into a ball memorizing the cracks in my wall. It was a good distraction from –

"Bella, can I come in sweetheart?"

Renee. I was waiting for her to come up here, and I was starting to lose faith that she would. "Yeah, Mom, it's unlocked."

Still facing the wall, I heard the door open then close again, then I felt my mattress give as my mom sat down next to me. "Honey, what's going on? I haven't seen you so depressed in such a long time." She reached out to place her hand on my shoulder, but I still didn't budge. It would be easier for me to lie to her if I didn't have to look at her eyes.

"Me and Edward are just arguing a lot right now," I began, biting my lip. "We don't exactly see eye-to-eye on something."

She clicked her tongue, something she did when she was thinking. "Well it must be a big disagreement if you're bothered this much by it," she remarked, "Do you mind telling me what it is?"

I hesitated for a moment; I didn't imagine that my mom would want this many details. "Um … it's … complicated, and kind of a private thing."

Renee gasped, probably on accident, and I winced when I realized how my words sounded. "Bella, is he … pressuring you or something?"

"No, Mom, not with that!" I finally sat up to face her. "But … um … I … I think he wants to be more than just friends, but I don't want to ruin our relationship by dating," I replied, trying my hardest to sound convincing.

"Oh ..." She was so relieved, which made me glad that I decided to not tell her what had really happened. "In that case … Bella, just follow your heart. If it tells you to date him, then do it. Don't turn him down just because you don't want to ruin your friendship. If you two really love each other then things will work out -"

"Mom," It hurt that she obviously wanted me and Edward together almost as much as I did, but neither of us would get that wish, "I don't love Edward," this lie actually hurt, "Well, just not like that." Our eyes finally met, her baby blue eyes meeting my chocolate-colored ones, and at that point, that split second, she saw right through my charade straight to my heartache.

She was quiet for a moment, then wrapped me in a warm embrace. "Okay Bella," she whispered, holding me close. I used every last drop of strength I had to hold back even more tears. Renee sighed quietly, let go of me, and started to leave my room. "I'm sure you'll be fine tomorrow."

I smiled at her. "I know I will be," I assured. She smiled back and finally left me alone, and for the second time today, I cried myself to sleep.

_I have something to tell you … … are you sure you want this? … Bella … did we mess up by doing this? … I want to make you happy, Bella … … taking things too fast … Bella, you are amazing … … that would be for the best … Bella … Bella …_

My eyes shot open, my breathing rapid. Light was trying to pour into my room from my blinds, so I looked at my clock to check the time. It was a few minutes before ten, on Christmas morning. Today the Blacks would be coming over, my father's childhood friend Billy and his fifteen-year-old son Jacob, so I had to make myself look presentable and do my best to push Saturday night to the back of my mind.

The strong smell of coffee filled my nose when I left my room to take a shower, which meant that Charlie was awake. The first thing he always did on Christmas morning was brew a pot of coffee. I used to be so envious that my parents could drink it and I couldn't, but when I was fourteen and my dad first poured me a cup, I stopped caring. It tasted so bitter, and at the time I hated it, but now I just tolerate it on Christmas. It was another tradition of my family's.

I made my shower fast; having one bathroom in the house was really irritating sometimes. I knew that Charlie and Renee haven't been in there yet, since the sound would have surely woken me up, so I didn't bother with my hairdryer. My hair was naturally wavy, which wasn't a bad thing to me, even though a lot of girl strive for pin-straight hair.

When I got back in my room, it was nearing ten fifteen, so I had about another hour and forty-five minutes until Billy and Jacob would arrive. That was too much time for me, giving me plenty of time for my mind to wonder back to –

_No_, I wasn't going to address that today. Today was Christmas for crying out loud, so I was supposed to be happy today.

Jake: he was a safe subject for me right now. He had nothing do with those events.

Jacob Black was the second friend I ever made. I didn't see the Blacks as much as we saw the Cullens, since they lived in Seattle at the time, but I did have quite a few play dates with Jake. He was two years younger than me, but I didn't care. He was so active and affectionate, especially towards me. He would always try to hold my hand or hug me, and he got that from his wonderful mother.

I don't remember Mrs. Black very well – she died in a car accident when I was eight and Jake was six, the same accident that left Billy in a wheelchair. All I really recall is that after the accident, Charlie would stay in Seattle for long periods of time, so after about a year Billy and Jacob moved to Forks. I saw them more often, but since Jake has been in a different grade than me, I only really hung out with him over breaks from school and the rare long weekend.

I liked hanging out with Jake; his carefree attitude was a nice refresher from other teens. But there was one thing that bothered me, and that was the fact that he had a huge crush on me. It wasn't like he hid it, either. I've told him countless time that I thought of him as my friend, even as my little brother, but I think he has selective hearing and stills tries to "win me over". Jacob wasn't unattractive or anything – it was quite the opposite to be honest. But no matter what I did, I just couldn't make myself think of him as anything more than a friend or a brother.

Since I wouldn't have to deal with Alice's starring and comments about my clothes today, I decided to dress down a bit. I put on my favorite pair of skinny jeans and a long-sleeved ruby-colored top that had a lacy scoop in the back that exposed the smallest amount of skin. I wore the same pair of shoes from the other night, even though I wouldn't be leaving my house. It just made me feel more together.

He started to enter my thoughts again, so I took a moment to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I needed to just think about being with my family today, and nothing else. No matter how much of my heart he had owned and crushed, no matter how often I always thought about him … that just couldn't get in the way today.

- - -

Christmas this year was just as uneventful as any other year. Billy and Jake had always fit in comfortably with us, and without them around it just didn't feel right. Jake still didn't comprehend the concept of being just friends with me, so I gave up at one point and let him wrap his arm around me after dinner while we all watched classic Christmas movies. It was comfortable, sure, but there just wasn't that spark that I had felt with Edward –

Damn it, not again.

Lady Luck must have decided to pity me for once as my cell phone starting buzzing impatiently on my dresser after I had changed for bed. I picked it up and I had a new text message. Only a handful of people actually had my number, so I wondered who would be texting me at ten o'clock at night on Christmas.

I flipped open the phone and saw that it was from Alice, of course, asking for me to call her as soon as I was available. I went straight to my contact list to dial her number, waiting patiently as it rang.

"Bella! Guess what tomorrow is?"

Doesn't anyone say "hello" anymore?

I braced myself for what was coming. "No, what's tomorrow?" I asked, playing dumb.

"The after-Christmas sales of course! You have to come pick me up at four in the morning, sharp, or all the good stuff will be gone!"

"Alice!" I groaned, falling back onto my bed. "I'm sure it would be fine if we went a few hours later. No normal person gets up at four, ever!"

She was pouting on the other line – I could feel it. "Bella, please? I didn't make you take me to the black Friday sales this year, remember?"

I sighed. She had a point; she did let me sleep in that day, since she had gone with Esme instead. Plus these crowds were not nearly as bad. I knew that Alice would end up breaking me at one point, so I decided to give in early, "Okay, fine," I grumbled, "But you owe me once you get your license."

"Yay!" I actually had to pull the phone away from my ear at her shrill tone, "I'll let you go to bed then Bella, I'll see you at four!"

Alice hung up before I could protest, which was probably a smart move on her part. I set the alarm on my cell for three thirty in the freaking morning and relaxed underneath my covers.

I wondered if there would ever be a night where the last thing I thought about wasn't being in Edward's arms.

- - -

A horrendous beeping woke me from my sleep, which was much more pleasant than I had ever hoped. I did my best to rub the sleep from my eyes before sitting up slowly. Alice _really_ owed me for this. I dressed sluggishly in sweats and pulled my hair back in a ponytail, refusing any more effort. It was far to early to worry about looking presentable.

I left a note for Charlie and Renee, letting them know that Alice was forcing me to take her out shopping and I would hopefully return. The trip to Alice's in my decrepit red truck was so boring that I wasn't sure that it had really happened. But I knew that this wasn't just a dream when she skipped – _skipped!_ – out the front door, letting herself in the passenger's door. I mumbled hello and ignored her blissful chit-chat.

It was too early for this.

We arrived at the mall as fast as my truck would allow, and the first place Alice took me was Starbucks, where she bought me the biggest cup of coffee she could. It brought me to a sense of awareness, but that was about it.

I let Alice drag me from store to store, not paying any attention to what she was doing the entire time. I couldn't even bring myself to stop her from buying some things for me. All I could do was yawn and drag my feet around the mall, trailing behind her.

Eventually I started waking up more, and Alice finally declared that we could leave. That was the fastest I had walked all day; straight out the door and into the cab of my truck. Alice pilled in with the bags as I started the engine to let it warm up before forcing too much on it.

The drive back to her house was shockingly quiet. I suppose it was because Alice was busy sorting out my stuff and hers, so I turned on the radio. I didn't pay much attention to modern music, but I knew that Alice liked it, so I didn't bother touching the dial.

About a minute away from her house, she exclaimed, "Oh, I love this song!"

I actually knew this one; it was Kelly Clarkson's newest single, "Already Gone", or something like that. I had never listened to the lyrics before, but I paid a little more attention after Alice's declaration. It was depressing – a break-up song that made my heart ache.

_I want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, someone's gotta go …_

I nearly threw Alice out of the car. I wanted to get her away before I starting crying because of how I was relating to this song. She thought nothing of it, waved goodbye to me, and somehow carried her many shopping bags inside alone.

_It started with a perfect kiss then, we could feel the poison set in, perfect couldn't keep this love alive_

Oh Alice, why did you have to say anything? I was actually doing alright until I basically heard my feelings being played on the radio. I would have just ignored the song if she had kept her big mouth shut … but she had no idea, so I couldn't really be angry at her.

How was it possible for these words to express so many of my feelings?

_Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories, they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye_

Here come the waterworks; I had to make myself pull over into the nearest gas station so I could get a hold of my wretched sobs. My vision was blurred far beyond being able to see, and I would surely crash if I decided to keep driving.

_You can't make it feel right, when you know that it's wrong, I'm already gone, already gone_

_There's no moving on, so I'm already gone_

"Oh Edward," I choked out, my breathing slowing to the occasional hiccup and the tears slowing. Maybe he and I were never meant to be together. If we were, then things surely would have progressed by now. This realization came to me too late though – the scars had already made their home on my heart, a mark that could never be removed.

* * *

**A/N**: I do wish that things weren't so complicated between Bella and Edward, but if they were together ... then the story would not be nearly as interesting. I can't tell you any details, so you'll just have to trust me on that and be patient with their relationship. And keep in mind that I am the author, so I have the power, and I could always throw one of them off a cliff or something if people irritate me too much.

... Just kidding, I wouldn't do something that drastic.

Oh, a quick fun fact: Emmett is very similar to my best guy friend, Kyle, while Jacob is very similar to my other guy friend, Tyler (except for the crush part).

Anyway, I added the song as a last minute thing because I was listening to it a few times which made gears spin in my mind, and plus I needed a chapter title.

I will stop my rambling now. Expect chapter 3 ... soon. I'd rather not have a deadline because then I will rush it and it will be horribly-written ... and yeah. Please review! I appreciate your thoughts.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Yay, I finally finished this chapter! I'm so proud of myself; this was really hard for me to write for some reason.

This is a bit shorter than I would've liked, but oh well. I guess it's understandable since nothing too special happens in this chapter. But I'll stop talking for now and let you read. I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight, or Disney movies, which I mentioned in this chapter. But I do own this story, a new Twitter account for fans of my writing, and I wish I could own Robert Pattinson.

* * *

**Chapter 3**: Clean Slates

For the past few days, literally _everything_ has been pissing me off.

The week before my period, I was always more easily agitated than normal, but it has never been quite this bad before. My parents were staying clear of me whenever possible, and I honestly couldn't blame them. I just couldn't control myself when I started yelling at them; I knew I was acting like a child, yet couldn't stop.

I would like to just be able to blame my time of the month for my behavior, but Edward played a part in this, whether I liked it or not. The extra emotional stress wasn't a good thing for my hormones, or anyone around me for that matter.

It's a good thing that I'm due to start in a couple more days.

"Hey, Bells, are you ready yet?"

My dad's voice startled me; he had been interrogating my mom for the past hour, not me. "Yeah, Dad, I'll be right down!" It was New Year's Eve today, and my parents were going to some fancy party with Carlisle and Esme. They were going to drop me off at the Cullen's for the night so I wouldn't have to spend the New Year alone. After Emmett found out, he called me to let me know that Edward was going to be at his own party by the time I got there, so I was much more willing to go.

Alice actually did a decent job picking out clothes for me that I liked during her shopping trip. There wasn't anything too exuberant; just simple colors, patterns, and cuts, and I was quite proud of her. For this evening I picked out a pair of jeans that hugged my thighs and loosened gradually as they traveled down and a royal blue top that cinched my waist and flowed out below that. I tied my black Converse sneakers on my feet, cursing when I accidentally pulled the lace too far, then I went to meet my father.

Charlie was wearing a black suit – something he hasn't worn since Jake's mom's funeral. He looked incredibly stiff and uncomfortable, messing with his tie and collar. He also kept checking his watch, probably wondering where Renee was.

"Dad, you look great," I complimented awkwardly. Honestly, he looked out of place being so dressed up, and he knew that too, but he loved my mom enough to do this for her every once in a while.

"Thanks Bells," he replied, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Charlie was never very good at small talk, even with his own daughter. "Is your mom still getting ready?"

I let out a small, frustrated sigh. I was getting sick of his whining, even though a part of me knew that it was completely reasonable. "Yeah, I think so." I forced myself to hold my tongue, and boy, that was hard.

My dad was getting frustrated at this point too, raking his hands through his dark brown hair, the same color as mine. He checked his watch again, grimacing at the time. "We have to leave in five minutes if we're going to make it in time …" His eyes, a mirror of my own, connected with mine. "Do you mind going to let her know?"

How this simple question pissed me off I'll never know. If it was any other week I wouldn't mind at at all, but right now, I felt like punching a hole in the wall I was standing by. "No, I'll be right back," I mumbled between clenched teeth.

Renee was somehow still getting ready in the bathroom when I got up the stairs. "Mom, are you ready yet? Dad's getting antsy."

"Yeah, almost Bella," she called from behind the door. "Actually, can you come in and help me really fast?" I sighed at her request and walked in the bathroom to see my mom trying to pull up the zipper on her dress. "I've always had trouble with these ..." she mumbled.

A little bit of my anger melted away when I saw my beautiful mother. It was times like these when I wished that I looked more like her. She looked so gorgeous in her flowing lilac dress. I zipped it up for her and fixed a bobby pin in her hair that was loose. It was half up and the loose pieces were lightly curled. Her eye shadow matched her dress and nicely complimented her cerulean eyes.

"You look beautiful, Mom." I bit my lip after my comment as I fussed with her hair. Finally satisfied, I used a little hairspray to keep it in place and looked at our reflections in the mirror. I looked more like Charlie than her, especially since I had his hair and eyes, but we did share the same smile.

"Thank you, Bella," she replied warmly. She took my hand and led me down the stairs where Charlie was waiting. I heard his breath hitch in his throat as he saw Mom, and his previous frustration melted away. His whole face lit up, which caused Renee to blush slightly.

"Renee," he began, his own blush coating his cheeks, "You look amazing," he said, his voice soft. He took one of her hands in his while they gazed into the other's eyes. Talk about revolting.

"Guys, I can feel my lunch coming back up, can you at least drop me off before you become all lovey-dovey?" I requesting, tapping my foot impatiently.

They blushed simultaneously, I wonder where I get it from, and nodded. We took the police cruiser over to the Cullen's like we did nearly two weeks ago, and I was still banned from sitting in the back. The scenery was relatively the same, aside from some people that already decided to remove their Christmas lights.

Snowflakes were falling delicately from the sky, enough to coat the ground but not enough to cause anyone a problem. The people of Forks generally had some idea of how to drive in the snow, even if there was nearly a foot of it. I guess that's why Emmett believed that he was capable of taking a little trip last Saturday and ignored the fact that the roads were closed for once.

Apparently, Esme sent a text message to Renee during the ride, and she and Carlisle had to leave before they could arrive. My parents dropped me off at the house, barely saying goodbye before they were on their way. There was a good chance that I would have to talk Emmett into giving me a ride home tonight. Oh well.

The door was unlocked, like always when the Cullens knew my family was coming over, so I let myself inside. Every light in the house seemed to be turned on, with only the television from the family room illuminating the halls. I followed it, even though I mostly knew my way around, and I was met with the sight of Emmett and Alice fighting over which Disney movie to watch first. Watching movies was something we always did together on New Year's Eve.

"Alice, come on! Rose is coming over and she isn't the type to want to watch some boring princess movie!"

"_Boring_? Beauty and the Beast is anything but boring!" Alice growled, "Don't you think so Bella?"

They both turned to face me as I flinched involuntarily at the attention being drawn to me. "Yeah, Alice is right, plus it is one of my favorites," I agreed, trying not to giggle at Emmett's pouting, "I'm sure Rosalie would be fine with anything as long as she got to spend the night with you," I added with a wink in Emmett's direction.

He blushed and crossed his arms, refusing to admit that Alice and I were right. Alice smiled triumphantly and went to insert the disc. Emmett and I sat ourselves down on the comfy leather couch which left Alice the matching chair. He pulled out his phone every few seconds, glancing at the time on the screen, biting down anxiously on his lower lip. This was new to me; Emmett was _never_ nervous.

"Em, are you okay?" I asked, deciding to skip a snide remark about his actions. He didn't really need that now.

He shrugged, turning his face towards me. "I really like her, Bells, I just want tonight to go perfectly."

I smiled at him; his nerves were so sweet. "I'm sure that it will. You're worrying over nothing."

"Yeah ..." he replied, his tone not matching his response, "I guess I am overreacting, huh?"

"Just a little bit," I said with a wink. He finally started to relax into the couch, when there was a knock on the door. The three of us all jumped at the sound, Emmett especially. I could see his previous attitude returning, especially as he got up to go answer the door. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice roll her eyes at her brother's behavior.

"I hope Emmett knows that this girl wouldn't be coming over tonight if she didn't like him back ..." she mumbled, skipping through the previews on the DVD.

I nodded in agreement, my eyes wandering over to the doorway. I heard hushed tones, not words, and footsteps, so I knew they were approaching. I forced my gaze back to the television to take a little bit of pressure off of Emmett. Of course I couldn't stay focused for long, because Em cleared his throat for me and Alice to face him.

The blond girl standing next to Emmett was almost too pretty for him. She had big, bright blue eyes and almost angelic facial features. She was tall, too, just a few inches shorter than Emmett in her two-inch heels. She had the hourglass figure that every girl wishes she had, and it was accented by her black baby-doll top and hip-hugging jeans.

But underneath the perfection, she appeared just as tense as Emmett had earlier. She kept messing with her clothes, or biting her lip, but her eyes gave everything away. They screamed fear, like if she messed up tonight, she was going to regret it for the rest of her life.

"Rosalie, these are the girls that are like my little sisters. The midget over there is my cousin Alice," she gave him an evil look for being referred to as a midget, "And that's Bella, my unrelated family member. Guys, this is Rosalie Hale," he introduced, obviously still a bit afraid.

Even though I didn't want to think about Edward right now, I remembered that his best friend is Jasper Hale. We still talked occasionally, mostly about schoolwork or something, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. "Rosalie, I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you have a younger brother named Jasper?"

"Yeah, I do actually," she gave me a small smile, "I'm assuming you know him if you asked?"

"Yeah, he's a pretty nice guy," I replied, smiling back. I stole a glance at Alice; she has a huge crush on Jasper and she was bright red from just hearing him mentioned. Of course the three-year age gap would mean nothing to her.

Rosalie nodded in agreement. "He's a good kid," she added. She and Emmett then decided to join me on the couch, while Alice tried to regain her composure.

"Uh, so, Rosalie, did you and Emmett know each other in high school then?" she asked, her blush fading.

"No, actually, we never had any classes together," Rosalie explained, "We were pretty surprised when we learned that we both lived in Forks, since it's such a small town." She smiled at Emmett and grabbed his big hand in her delicate one. The look of affection he gave her was more than enough to make me look away. It was far too adorable, but Emmett really deserved it.

At last Alice decided to play the movie, and we became set in a comfortable routine of small talk and Disney movies. Rosalie was simply amazing; she was Emmett's perfect match. Words couldn't express how happy I was for him, yet at the same time, I wish that I could have that with Edward –

Maybe that should be my New Year's Resolution: to _not_ think about him.

A few movies later, it was 11:45, and it was decided that we were going to watch the ball drop, even though technically that happened three hours ago in New York.

Alice and Rosalie were getting along great, like they were long lost sisters. That obviously made Emmett happy; he was all but exploding from happiness. He turned to grin at me, but I guess something was off in my expression as the corners of his mouth turned down.

"Hey Bells, you alright?" he asked, concern coating his tone.

I sighed, instantly feeling upset that I ruined his night. "I've been better. I just can't stop thinking about what happened two weeks ago with Edward," I whispered, ignoring the pain that I felt saying his name out loud.

He gave me a look, and I knew what that look meant. "Are you sure you don't want me to – "

"Emmett, no," I interrupted, rage beginning to flow, "That isn't going to make things better."

"You're right," he sighed, "I think you need to start over, though. Don't let yourself remember that night, do everything in your power to forget it. I know that it's going to be hard, but it would be best for you, for both of you," he lectured, "And you can call me or text me or visit me whenever you feel like you have to." He punched me lightly in the shoulder, flashing his trademark smile, "Don't beat yourself up over a stupid guy."

Emmett then got up to join Rosalie, as there were only moments left until the New Year. I let his words digest, and he was completely right: I had to stop thinking about it, and actually mean it. All of these slip-ups weren't as accidental as I would like to think they are. Sure, I was only human, but I have much better self-control than this.

From now on, I wasn't going to think of him until I could be sure that I'm ready.

My train of thoughts was interrupted by Alice, who threw herself on my lap to hug me. "Happy New Year Bella!" she exclaimed, kissing my cheek.

I giggled at her enthusiasm. "Happy New Year to you too, Alice," I replied, hugging her back.

"I'd better head home now," I heard Rosalie say, "I promised my parents that I would be home after midnight. Bella, do you have any way to get home?" she asked, looking in my direction.

I blushed, shaking my head. "No, actually. Do you mind … ?" I let my question trail off as she gestured at me to come with her.

"Not at all, Bella, it's the least I can do."

We both said our goodbyes, and headed out the door. There was a light snowfall, coating the driveway in a gentle sheet of white. Rosalie took her keys out of her purse and led me to a very nice looking red sports car sitting in front of the garage. My jaw threatened to drop, but I kept it clamped shut so I wouldn't seem rude.

"You have a really nice car," I remarked as she unlocked the doors.

She looked slightly embarrassed, "Thanks, it was a graduation present from my family," she replied, climbing into the driver's seat. I carefully let myself inside, not wanting to get snow all over the interior of her car.

I gave her directions to my house, even though it was hard to get lost in Forks, and a fog of discomfort settled in between us. I racked my brain for conversation topics, something that was always hard for me, but as I began to open my mouth Rosalie beat me to the punch.

"So Emmett has another cousin he lives with, right?" she asked, and I winced involuntarily.

"Yeah, Edward," I said, my voice breaking. There goes that resolution.

Rosalie stole a quick glance my way before replying, "I'm guessing that you have some kind of nasty history with this Edward?"

I nodded, my eyes filling up with tears. "He broke my heart," I whispered, looking down at my legs.

She let out a soft sigh. "I know how you feel, Bella," she said in a similar soft tone, "And I know how hard it is. You just have to occupy yourself with something that has nothing to do with him, and eventually, you'll be able to think of him without the heartache."

Somehow her motherly tone made me feel a little better, and I gave her a soft smile. "I guess I know that," I responded, "It's just … hard."

"You'll get through this," she encouraged, "You seem like a strong girl."

Rosalie pulled into my driveway then. "Thanks for the ride, Rosalie," I said, "And thank you for everything else, too. I'm so glad that you're with Emmett."

She smiled, looking in my direction. "You're more than welcome. And I'm glad too," she replied softly.

I got out of the car and waved her goodbye as she drove away. I could see now why Emmett was so crazy about her; she was really fantastic. I would have to remember to congratulate him later.

I unlocked the house, using the hidden key from in the bushes, and went straight up to bed. Emmett and Rosalie were both right: I had to get over him. He was consuming my life, my heart, _everything_. As I crawled underneath my covers and stared up at the ceiling, I made an agreement with myself.

This was going to be the year that I finally start over and get over Edward Cullen.

* * *

**A/N**: Well, that's that. I'm sorry to all of you that want Edward and Bella together right now, but that's not how this story is going to work. All I can tell you is that ... well, actually, I don't really want to spoil anything. I'll let you guess.

Also, just as a side note, I made a Twitter account recently, just in case you wanted more frequent updates on why I haven't been writing.

Well, please review or favorite or whatever you like to do, and be on the lookout for Chapter 4! It'll probably be another short one, and don't expect it up for a few weeks just so you don't get your hopes up.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N**: So ... hi. Sorry that it's been just over a month with no update. I really want to change that, but I want these chapters to be of really good quality, and that takes some time.

Anyway, I made this as long as I could, and I'm satisfied with how it turned out. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters. However I do own the first three books and a copy of the movie on my iPod. And I would like to own Robert Pattinson, just as a side-note.

* * *

**Chapter 4**: Motion Sickness

The sound of my alarm clock was the worst sound in the world right now. I groaned as I shut it off, forcing myself to sit up. The first day of school after winter break was dreadful, even though it wasn't nearly as bad as returning after summer vacation.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, thankful that I had showered the night before, and began to get ready for the day. I couldn't bring myself to dress up for the day, so I just put on a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt. I pulled my waves into a simple ponytail and deemed myself ready for the day.

My stomach began to churn impatiently, and I didn't know if it was from nausea or hunger. I guessed the latter and went downstairs to fix myself breakfast. The only thing that seemed to agree with my stomach was toast. I made some as fast as time would allow, because these stomach pains were getting more and more uncomfortable.

I collapsed into a chair at the table as soon as my breakfast was ready and ate slowly. Maybe I caught the flu or something, but I couldn't say where it came from. The toast was making me feel a little better, so maybe I was just overreacting.

I finished my breakfast and went out to start my truck. It was cold, of course, being early January in Washington, so I let my engine warm up a bit before driving off to school. It was still kind of early – not even seven yet – but it's not like I had anything else to do before school.

Nervous butterflies invaded my insides and I started to feel sick again. Seeing him today was inevitable, as he was in at least two of my classes, but I wasn't ready for this yet. I was doing better; only breaking down every other night or so, but it was still much too soon for me to handle being around him.

The parking lot was nearly empty when I arrived, so I got a good spot near the building before going inside. I was starting to feel sick again, but I figured that it would pass once I started my day. The school was nearly empty, not a huge surprise. I went to my locker to retrieve my history and English books before I sat myself in homeroom.

The room was vacant aside from the teacher. My desk was in the back corner that was closer to the door, a seat I chose from the beginning of the year. I wanted to isolate myself, which I wanted even more so now, so I really loved that seat. There was still another twenty minutes before we would be dismissed for first period, so I took out a random book I had with me and started to read.

I couldn't say what the book was about for the life of me. Something about sparkling vampires that Alice said I should read, but I just wasn't sure. I really wasn't paying much attention to the novel. Another wave of nausea hit me as more people started filing in. I guess it was because I really wasn't ready for today, or something.

Voices were weaving in and out of my mind. There were too many to concentrate on reading anymore, so I put my book away and tried to drown out everyone. One of the popular girls near me – Jessica, Jaime, something like that – was rambling to one of her airhead friends about some New Year's Eve party. I didn't care until I heard Edward's name, then I couldn't stop myself from subtly eavesdropping.

"And I heard that Tanya kissed him at midnight!" she said. My heart dropped at her sentence, even though it was probably just gossip.

Why should I care, anyway? It's not like Edward and I were dating or anything. We just – never mind. But the point was that I did care, even if I didn't want to.

"Oh please, Jess," So her name _was_ Jessica, "Edward and Tanya aren't on again yet. That's not supposed to happen until around Valentine's Day, you know that."

I didn't want to hear anymore about Edward wanting someone else so I forced myself to stop listening. Just because I couldn't have him doesn't mean that I'm okay with hearing about him being with some other girl. The last thing I heard before the bell rang and I sprinted out was Jessica trying to defend what she saw. I hoped that she was wrong, but the logical part of me told me she was right, and I felt even worse.

I was the first one in my history class, as I nearly ran here to escape from hearing about that damn New Year's Eve party. As much as I didn't care for learning about world history today, I pulled out my history book and started reading about early European civilizations. Maybe it would be a distraction from the pain in my abdomen.

A few minutes later, desks were filled as the bell rang. I tried my best to pay attention to the teacher but nothing she was saying was interesting to me today. All that was going through my mind was trying not to think about Edward and Tanya and trying not to lose my breakfast in the process.

But I never did promise myself to keep Tanya Denali out of my mind.

She was everything a guy could ever want in a girl: strawberry blond curly hair, big blue eyes, size 0 jeans. She was a cheerleader, the kind that was a perfect angel by day but a sex goddess by night. That was only a rumor, of course, but I wouldn't be too surprised. Edward did seem to know what he was doing that night –

I squeezed my eyes shut as my stomach started churning again. Thinking about that night surely wouldn't help this pass. The clock said that there was only five minutes left in this class, then I would leave and go to English. Second period.

And oh _shit_ – that was a class that I had with Edward. That was something that my stomach surely wouldn't agree with, and already wasn't, but it was just one little fifty minute class. We even sat on opposite sides of the room – I could get through this.

The bell rang after probably the shortest five minutes of my life, and I paced myself as I walked to English. My body was protesting, but I wasn't about to let a mistake with a guy ruin my academic future. Maybe he was the reason I was feeling like this; I was _never_ sick. I doubt it, though.

One step inside that classroom caused everything I had been working towards to come crashing down. I saw him sitting on top of his desk, talking to one of his friends, and I felt bile creeping up my throat. I muttered to the teacher about a pass to the nurse, and with one look at my face she quickly obliged. Out of the corner of my eye I swear I saw him give me a concerned glance, but that couldn't have been right.

I didn't make it to the nurse right away; I did manage a stall in the girl's bathroom, though. After rinsing my mouth of the disgusting taste I felt a little bit better, but it would be best for me if I took the rest of the day off. My limbs were kind of shaky, and my stomach still ached a little.

When I did reach the nurse's office I explained my predicament, and she let me go home after my face started to turn green again. My truck started a bit rough – I might have to get it checked soon – and I drove straight home. The moment of feeling better was long gone and I thought I would be sick again at any moment.

Both of my parents were working right now, Charlie was at the station and Renee was a kindergarten teacher, so I didn't have to explain anything to them yet. But unfortunately for me, I was sick again when I got home. Maybe it wasn't just because of this whole situation with Edward. Maybe I really did catch something, somehow.

Nonetheless, I changed into a pair of old sweats and drifted off to sleep, hoping my nausea would pass.

- - -

Something was shaking me. I groaned in annoyance; I wasn't ready to wake up yet. I didn't feel sick to my stomach anymore, but I wanted my sleep. I pulled my covers over my head and tried to let sleep take me again …

"Bella, sweetie, wake up!"

I sighed and sat up, attempting to rub the sleep out of my eyes. "I was trying to sleep Mom," I whined, meeting her eyes.

She looked worried, probably because I _never_ missed school. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it was just a stomach bug," I replied. "I should be fine by tomorrow, I just need to rest.

Renee sighed and ran her fingers through my hair. "Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"I will," I agreed, settling back down under my covers.

I heard my mom get up and exit my room, leaving me to my thoughts. Honestly I felt a lot better than I did earlier, but I didn't want to risk getting worse. Maybe I had just eaten something last night that didn't agree with me. If I did have the stomach flu, I'd probably still feel awful.

Or maybe, I was feeling sick because of everything that happened over winter break. Stress can cause illnesses, I think, and that actually makes a lot more sense than anything else. But just thinking about that in general, especially that night, didn't really affect me right now.

Of course there was _one_ more option; one that would completely change everything.

_No_ – that wasn't it. It couldn't be. I shook the thought from my head, not even wanting to let it cross my mind again. That was the absolute last thing it would be. I could easily be dying before _that_ was what this was.

There was no way I would be able to go back to sleep now, so I got out of bed. I hadn't checked my e-mail in a few days, and Emmett went back to college around that time, so maybe he had sent me something. We usually kept in pretty good contact, although we did slip occasionally.

I didn't share my e-mail address with very many people; I just used it for friends that moved away like Emmett and my old friend Angela and for job applications. So there were only a bunch of college e-mails in my inbox, even though I already knew I wanted to stay in Washington, and one from Emmett that I opened right away.

_Bells,_

_I hope you're starting to feel better about what happened between you and my idiot cousin. My offer to kick is ass is still good, if you change your mind._

_Seriously though, I really hope that you get over him, and soon. You don't deserve to be hung up over someone that doesn't return your feelings. Anyway, stay in touch, and by the way, Rosalie says hi._

_Your big brother,_

_Emmett_

I responded right away, being honest about how I wasn't over him yet but I was trying my absolute hardest. I left out the part about being sick and my constant crying, because I didn't want to worry him. Plus if I mentioned that he would be even more willing to beat up his cousin, and I didn't want that.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Mom insisted that I stay in bed, so she even brought my dinner up to me, a modest meal consisting of chicken noodle soup and saltine crackers. She didn't believe me when I said that I was fine now, but she was just worried.

I read more of the book that Alice lent me, but eventually I had to stop reading because it starting turning into a romance. My chest became tight and my eyes watered, so I gave up on it and decided to sleep, since I had nothing better to do and I should be well-rested for school tomorrow …

_I was in a white room, on a white bed. I felt exhausted, like I had just gotten back from an extensive jog or something, and my lower area was in pain, like I was being unnaturally stretched out. I let out a moan of pain, and with that I felt a light pressure on my hand._

"_You can do it Bella, you're so close now."_

_I knew that voice – Edward – but why was he here with me, and why was he holding my hand? I started to open my mouth to question him when a jolt of pain sent a scream out instead. What was hurting me so much?_

_That was when I looked down. My legs were spread apart, but that wasn't what shocked me. What shocked me was the mountain that took the place of my stomach. I gasped, the hand that wasn't holding Edward's traveling to stroke my abdomen, an action that somehow felt right._

_There was a doctor with her face between my legs, telling me to push. Without thinking I obliged, and I was met with the worst pain of my life. She and Edward were providing me with praise and words of encouragement. My eyes filled with tears from the agony, but I had to keep going. I couldn't stop now, with the end being so close._

_With a final burst of energy, most of the pain was gone, and it was dead silent for a moment. Then, a small cry echoed through the room, a sound that made my heart leap. I reached out for the source of the sound, and soon a warm bundle was placed in my arms._

_My baby – _our_ baby …_

My eyes shot open, and the first thing I did was run straight to the bathroom. My stomach quickly felt empty, and I couldn't help but look down to see if I was as big as I was in that dream. It was flat, of course, but that dream just felt so real. Like it was actually going to happen …

_No_, that wouldn't happen. It was just a dream. I had considered the option of being pregnant as why I was sick, but that wasn't true. There were lots of reasons for me to still be sick. And that just wasn't a possibility. I would know if I was going to have a baby.

But nonetheless, I was not going to school today.

* * *

**A/N**: Haha, I hope you liked the Twilight reference and the dream. I added that dream at the last minute, by the way. I never had that in any of my planning, but I thought it would be interesting.

If I had any grammatical or spelling mistakes, let me know so I can fix them.

Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I will write the next one hopefully within the next month. Please review, favorite, add to your alerts, whatever you like to do.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N**: I am so, so, SO sorry that this chapter is coming out like two months after my last update. I would have had it out last month but I had so much to do for school that I had no time to write except for a sentence or two. And then I was too depressed over spring break to do anything productive, but things are slowing down a bit now so I made myself finish this chapter today. Anyway, I will try to get the next chapter out soon, like maybe even late tonight if I can, but I will try to have a second update this month to make up for nothing last month.

I apologize if there are mistakes in here, and if you find something let me know so I can fix it. Thank you and enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight, but I do own this storyline.

* * *

**Chapter 5**: Mixed Signals

I missed another day of school after my strange dream before I returned. I finally decided that stress was the cause of my strange sickness so I invested in some antacids to use until I got over it. I also planned on buying a "safe" lunch today at school.

My first class went by uneventfully, thankfully I didn't miss too much work, but then when I saw Edward in English, I started to feel sick again. But that was probably from the nerves. After I talked to my teacher about what I missed I sat down in my seat, on the opposite side of the room as him. I stole one more glance at him, unable to control myself, and he was staring at me, and I couldn't read his expression. Was it concerned?

The bell rang and I peeled my eyes away from him. I was thoroughly confused, now. Why would he be concerned about me if he didn't want me? Our English teacher cleared her throat to get the class's attention.

"Alright class, it's your favorite day, we're changing seats today!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. There was a combination of disappointment and excitement apparent in the class, but I was indifferent. I honestly couldn't care less about where I sat, since none of my friends were in this class.

She made all of us stand up and move to the front of the room, and we were allowed to sit as soon as she called our names. I was one of the first names she called, so I was on the opposite side of the room as before and in the third seat from the front. I zoned out as she called off more names, absentmindedly tracing patterns on my notebook cover with my finger.

"Hi, Bella."

His voice startled me, sending feelings of discomfort and pleasure through my body. Hesitantly, I looked to my right to see Edward sitting right beside me, his beautiful green eyes bright with happiness. But why?

"Hi Edward," I replied softly, trying to not make eye contact. I was far too captivated by those eyes.

"Do you feel better?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

I nodded, the words getting caught in my throat. "Uh, yeah, it was nothing bad or anything. I don't think I was even contagious, because Charlie and Renee didn't get sick," I rambled, immediately stopping once I realized how much I was saying. I blushed heavily and looked back down at my desk.

I heard Edward sigh, like he was trying to figure out how to word something. "Bella," I looked up at him and made the mistake of meeting his eyes. Now I couldn't make myself look away, no matter how hard I tried. "Um … I just … I wanted to say that –"

"Alright class," Edward and I both jumped at the sound of the teacher's voice, "Now we can begin!"

I tried to pay attention to what she was teaching, but I kept looking at Edward out of the corner of my eye, and I swear a few times I caught him staring at me. That didn't make any sense to me, but once I gathered up the courage to look straight at him and he met my eyes, giving me a warm smile. I smiled back, that familiar fluttering feeling invading my stomach, but I turned away fast. It was much too soon to let myself feel something for him again.

I kept my eyes away from him for the rest of class, even when I felt his gaze burning into me. As the bell rang, and I all but sprinted out of the classroom. I needed space. It was too soon for me to be around him. I was just going to get hurt again, I knew that.

But when I heard his voice calling my name, I turned around, no matter what my head was telling me to do. But my heart reached out for Edward, wanting to pull him closer, wanting to let him back in. It just didn't know when to quit.

"Bella, can I talk to you?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. He only did that when he felt uncomfortable or embarrassed. I just didn't know how I made him feel that way.

"Um, yeah, if you can say everything on my way to class." I replied, beginning to walk towards my Health class again. It was certainly not my favorite subject, but I either had to take that this year or gym. And honestly I hated gym class even more.

He nodded, falling into place at my side. I couldn't deny how right it felt to have him walking with me, though I know he doesn't feel that too. "That's fine, I have to walk this way too."

Edward was silent for a few steps, probably choosing his words, before he began to speak again, "Bella … are you … I mean … are you over what happened – no, that doesn't sound right …" He started mumbling incoherently to himself, which only left me more confused. I stopped walking as we reached my classroom, and he stopped too, unwilling to give up yet.

"Bella, I … I feel terrible about what happened between us. I know this sounds selfish but … I really, really want you as my friend again. I understand that you need time, but …" he paused, exhaling deeply, "I really miss you," he whispered, looking down at his feet.

I know I should have felt surprised, and a part of me did, but at the same time his words were exactly what I expected to hear. "Edward, I miss you too, but … it's too soon for me," I replied, forcing his head back up to meet his beautiful green eyes. "I just need more time, so I can be sure that I won't get hurt again."

Edward sighed, and nodded. "I expected that," he said, "I'll still wait for you, though." He reached out and brushed my cheek so lightly that I wasn't sure it happened, then he was gone. I went inside the classroom and sat down, my mind in a completely different place.

While I'll admit that I have very strong feelings for Edward, sometimes he really irritates me with his words. I know he has good intentions, I think, but lately he's been making me feel either hurt or confused every time we speak. Honestly I have no clue what he truly wants from me. I guess that's why I keep my distance from him, to protect him as well as myself.

I barely heard the bell ring signaling that class was over. After a quick trip to my locker to grab my math books I walked to my trigonometry class, one that I shared with Jasper Hale, Rosalie's younger brother as well as one of Edward's best friends. He gave me a small smile and wave which I returned before sitting.

Jasper truly was a good guy. He had dark blond hair that was barely neater than Edward's. He and Rosalie shared the same big, blue eyes, which would have told me they were related if it wasn't for their shared last name. He was tall and gangly too, like a typical adolescent male. But he was smart and sweet, and I had to credit Alice for having good taste.

The math teacher passed out a worksheet at the very beginning of class. It was a review of things we had gone over before winter break just before our exams, and by his frustrated explanation I guess most of the class failed this portion. I didn't think that trig identities were that hard, but I guess I'm just smarter than most.

He said that we were allowed to work with a partner if we wanted, so I simply stayed in my desk and listened to the shuffle around me. As I was reading over the first question I heard someone near me clear their throat, so I looked up to find Jasper hovering awkwardly over my desk.

"Um, do you want to work together, Bella?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, sure." While I wouldn't say that Jasper and I were best friends, I did work with him occasionally in class like right now.

He smiled slightly and sat down in the desk in front of mine, turning around to work on mine. As I was trying to prove the first problem, I saw Jasper look up to ask me a question.

"Hey, today's the eleventh, right?"

"Yeah, I think so …" I trailed off. Was it really the eleventh of January? I guess it made sense, as a lot of time passed ever since Edward and I –

Wait, the _eleventh_? I started counting mentally backwards, then again, and I continued until I was sure that I hadn't made a mistake.

My period was supposed to come around the first. It was now ten days late. I had never, ever missed one before, not even during the first few years. Was this whole thing with Edward stressing me out so much that it caused me to be nearly two weeks late? Or was it because –

_No_ – that wasn't it. That couldn't be it.

"Bella, are you alright?"

Jasper's sudden concern snapped me out of my daze and I re-focused my attention to him. "Sorry, I zoned out," I muttered, only half-lying.

I spent the rest of the class trying to concentrate only on working with Jasper on math problems, but in the back of my mind I was still fretting over being late. I was trying to convince myself that I was just extremely stressed, and that if there were a few more weeks without anything, then I could worry.

But I was already worried, even though it had to be nothing.

Jasper and I finished our worksheets a few minutes before the bell, so that left extra time for my mind to wander. First of all, there was no way that I could mention my concern to anyone. There was no point in worrying my parents or my friends over nothing. Second of all, if things turn out to be … more serious than I would like, who could I tell then? I can't mention anything to Edward, of course, since I have no idea how he feels. My parents would call Carlisle and Esme for sure. Alice would tell her parents, and Edward, and probably everyone else in Forks. So I guess that leaves me with Emmett and Jacob.

Luckily I shouldn't have to worry about _that_.

After what felt like forever the lunch bell rang. I walked slowly to the cafeteria, my mind still buzzing with my discovery. I sat down at my usual lunch table – with Jacob and a few of his friends – and I started looking through my purse for my wallet. As I was looking I felt eyes on me again, and as I looked up I was met with beautiful jade eyes. Any oxygen in my body was exhaled as I saw Edward leaning down towards me.

"Hi Bella," he said, his voice low among the loud chatter in the cafeteria. But I still felt like we were the only two people in the room. Being around Edward still did that to me.

"Hi," I replied. My wallet suddenly wasn't important, and neither was eating lunch.

He broke eye contact with me and looked down at the table, mumbling to himself. "I … um … actually, never mind …" He walked away before I had the chance to reply, and once again he left me completely baffled.

Mindlessly, I found my way into line with my money and I left with just an apple and a bottle of water. My appetite was completely gone, but I knew I had to eat something. By the time I returned Jacob and two of his closest and oldest friends, Quil and Embry, were devouring huge piles of food. One of the many mysteries about boys was where all of that food _went_.

Jake saw me coming and swallowed too quickly, nearly choking on whatever he was eating. "Hi Bella!" he exclaimed before eating again. I received waves from Quil and Embry, but the acknowledgment was plenty.

I ate slowly and tried to read more of the book Alice lent me. I still couldn't understand the hype, but maybe that was because I couldn't focus on the words on the page. I saw them but I couldn't remember what I had read a few seconds later. Eventually I just gave up, threw my apple core away, and started to watch the hands on the clock move.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asked, sounding obviously annoyed. He moved to sit next to me and draped his arm around my shoulders.

"Nothing," I replied, shrugging his arm off of me. The poor kid just couldn't take a hint, especially since he just put his arm right back.

"Come on Bells, you can tell me!"

I sighed, turning to face him. His deep black eyes bore right into mine, and I knew he would be able to tell if I was lying to him. Jake could always do that. "I'm just really, really confused," I told him honestly.

He gave me a look – one that said that he didn't completely believe me – but let the topic go. He went back to talking to his other friends while I started to stare at the clock again. My conversation with Jake took up about five minutes, so there were only a few left until it was time for my Spanish class. I tried to kill the time by listening in on the boys' conversation but when I heard car parts that I didn't know what they did, I stopped trying.

Lunch was dismissed right after I gave up, and I went to my locker to grab my Spanish book. I really wish that Forks offered more languages, but it was a really small school after all. It's not like I was terrible at the language though, unlike most people in my class.

I arrived in the classroom before most people, as usual, and sat in my socially-isolated desk. I really wasn't shy, I just didn't like people in my grade. All of my close friends were either older or younger than me.

Everyone else started to file in, and the bell rang just as the last few people were reaching their seats. Unfortunately for me, a substitute teacher walked in which meant that I would be stuck listening to catty gossip for an hour. So I pulled out another book I decided to read, since Alice's was too romantic for my taste, and began to read. However, I had only gotten to the second sentence when I heard something that caught my attention.

"Lauren, you are _never_ going to believe this!" Jessica whispered harshly, "I heard that Edward Cullen hooked up with someone that wasn't Tanya over winter break!"

My breathing stopped, and I nearly looked up from my book. But if I did, that would seem very suspicious, so I decided to pretend to keep reading and kept my ears open for the conversation to continue.

"Jess, come on, you can't be serious," her blonde friend Lauren replied, "We all know how those two feel about each other."

"But Lauren, Tanya told me that she found a condom in Edward's trashcan! And that she didn't sleep with him!"

I felt my ears turning hot, a blush becoming evident on my cheeks, so I buried myself further into my book. I knew that Edward wouldn't have told anyone about the two of us, but what if these girls found out anyway? They certainly weren't the type to keep it to themselves.

"Are you serious?!" Lauren half-screeched, "Who else would Edward sleep with?"

"I honestly don't know. Maybe Kate, since Tanya seemed pretty pissed at her all day today. But that might just be for skipping out on her New Year's Eve party … or maybe she doesn't even go to our school. The Cullen's do have a lot of family friends, and they might have daughters ..."

"Whatever, Jess. But what did Tanya say to Edward about that?"

"She didn't say anything. But she did tell me that she might not go back out with him this time."

"Wow. That would be really weird … Tanya and Edward not being together … ever again."

"Yeah, it would be like me and Mike not dating, or you and Tyler ..."

I took that as my cue to stop listening, since they were saying nothing that was of interest to me anymore. As long as they didn't ever find out that Edward and I had been together, then that would make it so much easier for me to get over him. I didn't want to have to deal with a bunch of rumors in addition to the way I felt right now.

I got to read a little more before the bell rang, and it was finally time for my last class of the day: biology. It was also the second class that I had with Edward. My stomach trembled a bit at the idea, but at least I wasn't his lab partner or anything.

As I was entering the classroom I felt a warm, familiar hand on my wrist, sending waves of imaginary electricity through my veins. I turned around and was met with Edward's eyes. It irritated me that no matter what happens between the two of us, I still lose my breath whenever I look into his deep green eyes.

I heard the air leave his chest as he stared back at me, almost like he had forgotten what he had pulled me aside for. He closed his eyes for a moment and for some reason that saddened me, which also bothered me. I really should not be feeling this way about him.

"Um, Bella … I … I just wanted to let you know that we changed lab partners in bio, and you're working with me now."

Of _course_.

"Uh … okay. Thanks for letting me know," I replied, trying to hide my emotions. A part of me was extremely distraught at this, but there was that other part that was excited and hopeful. Like being lab partners with Edward would make him love me back.

The hopeful part almost shut up at that, except for the fact that Edward's hand was lingering on my arm. I started to inch towards the door and he finally noticed and let go, but he didn't miss a beat and held the door open for me. Why couldn't he either love me or just forget I existed? Lingering somewhere in the middle wasn't helping either of us.

I followed him to our lab table, near the back of the room, and the two of us spent the hour in silence. Today was filled with note-taking rather than lab work, and I was thankful for that. Taking notes was rather annoying, but right now it was a lot better than trying to figure out Edward's intentions with me.

He's been acting so strange around me today, especially after I rejected his friendship request. Did I actually hurt his feelings by needing more time? But that just didn't sound right, because he wouldn't have said that what we did was a mistake if he cared that much.

Wow, no wonder my period's late. It must be because of all of this stress.

The last bell of the day finally rang and I walked as quickly as I could out of the classroom. Edward's locker was nowhere near mine so biology was the last time that I would have to see him until tomorrow. My heart ached just thinking of him but I wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that I had to deal with him again or if it was because I couldn't see him for another day.

I took a deep breath as I started to load my backpack with homework for the night. If I wanted to get rid of this stress then I had to stop thinking about Edward. It must be pretty bad if it was throwing my whole biological clock out the window.

Because that was the only explanation for that.

At least that's what I had decided to keep telling myself.

I shook my head as if to get rid of the other possibility and starting walking out to my truck. There was no way that could happen to me. Edward and I had been very careful. It almost wasn't possible for me to have that other option at all, no matter how suspicious it seemed.

Somehow I had ended up parked in my driveway, so I turned off my truck and headed inside. Doing my homework would surely get Edward out of my head, as well as all of those other thoughts that shouldn't be there.

* * *

**A/N**: Two months for that ... I really don't think that this is my best work, but uneventful chapters are hard for me to write. They are necessary though. The next one will be interesting, though.

Anyway, please review, add this to your favorites or alerts, whatever you like to do. As long as you enjoy reading this I really don't care.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N**: I am very impressed with myself. I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote, and I managed to finish this chapter for everyone. I hope that this makes up for me failing to update last month.

Now, the second half of this chapter is going to seem very familiar, and I am going to explain things at the end. I don't want to ruin it.

**WARNING!** This chapter has M rated content. If you are uncomfortable with that, either skip the italic sections or don't read it at all. I don't want people flaming me since I gave a clear warning.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight, but I do own this story that I am writing.

* * *

**Chapter 6**: Consequences pt. II

The next week of school went by rather uneventfully. Everything basically went back to normal, aside from Edward occasionally trying to get me to say more than two words to him. I almost broke a few times and started to talk to him, but that wasn't going to help my stress levels go down.

My period still hadn't shown up, which was really starting to freak me out. I starting looking things up on the internet relating to my condition, and most of them were things that I had. Missed period, morning sickness, fatigue, cravings … but I still didn't feel like it could be possible.

It was now January 23rd, one month since I had been with Edward. It has also been over two weeks since I should have started my period. I couldn't delay getting a confirmation to what was going on with my body any longer.

Unfortunately for me, it was a Tuesday, so I had to attend school before I could go out and buy a test. I don't think that's an acceptable reason to miss a day of school.

I felt as if I was on auto-pilot as I drove to school that morning, as well as during my history class. I walked into English with the same, monotone movements which was more than enough to grab Edward's attention. Of course, lately he's always been noticing when I've been entering this classroom.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked me. I nodded, avoiding his gaze. One look into those eyes would be enough to tell him everything. And there was no point in involving Edward if I wasn't even sure yet.

I heard him sigh in defeat, and then our teacher began class for the day. I couldn't bother to pay her any attention, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate. All I could think about was what I was planning on doing after school today, and how much my life would change from one little result …

It just _couldn't_ be positive. Everything would turn completely upside-down.

English class was dismissed some time later, and I walked slowly to third period, trying to ignore Edward calling my name behind me. It was working until he decided to grab my hand before I had a chance to enter my classroom.

"Bella," he pressed, forcing me to turn around. I focused on his feet so I wouldn't have to see his expression. "What is going on with you today?"

"I'm just really stressed out," I mumbled, trying weakly to free my hand. The humming of electricity between us was too much for me to handle right now.

I knew my answer didn't satisfy him, especially since his grip on my hand became even tighter. "Are you sure that's it?" he asked gently, "You seem like a completely different person today," he added softly.

He moved his hand from mine to use it to push my chin up to look at him. One look into his deep jade eyes was enough to convince me to tell him. He just looked so … worried, I suppose, and I wanted to explain to him what was going on, what I had to do after school, what could possible change our lives forever …

But no, I wasn't going to do that to him. I didn't want to get him worked up for something that may be nothing. "Yeah, I'm sure," I replied softly.

I saw Edward's shoulder's slump slightly, and he released my face, the electricity leaving. "Well … alright. But … if something was wrong … you could always talk to me, even though I know you probably wouldn't want to."

His statement confused me. I honestly didn't think the Edward would be that concerned about me. It was hard to digest that he might actually care about me despite the way he had been acting the past few years. "Okay … thank you." I managed to give him a small, polite smile before rushing into the classroom.

My next classes went by fairly quickly considering I wasn't paying much attention, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. Before I went to sit at my usual table, I put my things down and took a quick trip to the bathroom.

Such a simple act changed my whole outlook on the day, because I noticed the smallest amount of blood that made me feel relieved. I sighed in relief, finishing in the bathroom quickly so I could ideally enjoy the rest of my day. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, all because I didn't have to go buy a test after school, and I could put this whole thing with Edward behind me at last.

I felt like I was floating as I went to buy my lunch, which was unusual because of how clumsy I tended to be, but it was a nice feeling compared to the dread I had been bearing all morning. Of course I wasn't completely sure that I had gotten my period, since I wasn't cramping or anything else, but what else could it possibly be? Maybe it would just be different this month since I had been so late. I honestly didn't care as long as the possibility of pregnancy was gone.

It was obvious to Jake that I was in a much better mood than I had been lately, and he had decided to use that to his advantage. He sat right next to me, giving me no personal space, and draped his arm over my shoulders. "So Bells, what are you doing this weekend?"

I shrugged, trying to push his arm off of me. "Probably just homework. Why?"

"Well, do you think you could free up a few hours on Saturday so I can take you out?" he asked, trying to be smooth. Here we go again. I was beginning to wonder how long it was going to take until he tried to ask me out again.

"Jake," I began, shifting my body so I could face him, "I have told you this many, many times. I think of you like a friend, or even a little brother, and I'm not interested in dating you. But if you wanted to hang out just as friends, then yes, I can free up some time," I explained.

He smirked at me, scooting away slowly. "Whatever you say Bella."

I rolled my eyes at him but I couldn't help but smile. Jacob was so sweet, and it almost mad me sad that I couldn't see him as more than just a friend. Of course I would never want to ruin our relationship, so it was probably for the better.

My afternoon was going smoothly, so much better than my morning went. Now it was time for biology class, and then the school day would be over. I arrived in the room before Edward did, so I was free to organize myself before he got there. I was pretty sure that today we were preparing for a lab, and just as I had began to look for my lab book, I heard his voice:

"You sure look happier now," Edward commented.

He sat down beside me, and after I found my lab book I looked up at him. He was smiling at me, and his eyes seemed brighter than they did earlier. I doubt it was just because I was happier, though.

"I am," I replied, "I don't have nearly as much to stress out about as I thought I did." My answer was honest, but I just wasn't telling him everything.

"That's good," Edward commented, giving me a small smile. "I don't like it when you're upset …" he added softly. I wasn't sure that I was supposed to hear that, so I didn't respond.

After my short conversation with Edward, class began, and it was fairly uninteresting. At least in this class I could pay more attention than I had been all day. Every once in a while, I would feel eyes on me, and glance over at Edward just in time to see him look back down at his notes. Either he was staring at me or it was just a coincidence. I don't know why he would be staring, though.

The last bell of the day rang just as the teacher was finishing up our notes, so I wasn't out of the classroom before Edward could approach me. While I was starting to feel better about the situation, I don't think that I was ready to have a friendship with him yet. But still, he ended up walking with me towards my locker.

"So … uh … Bella … do you have any plans this weekend?" he asked, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. His question shocked me, and I stopped in the middle of the hall. It sounded like he was asking me out on a … _date_.

"Um … well … I might hang out with my friend Jacob this weekend, but … other than that, no. Why do you ask?" We started to walk again, and it took him a few seconds before he spoke up again.

"I was wondering … maybe you wanted to do something? With me?" Edward started to rub the back of his neck, which really bothered me. So he was asking me out, otherwise he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable.

"Edward," I began, "I … I think it's too soon for that. I'm still a little afraid to just talk to you, let alone go out with you," I explained earnestly. We were at my locker now, so I started to gather my things that I was taking home with me tonight.

"Well we could just do something as friends," he provided. I sighed as I shut my locker door, then I started to put my arms through my coat sleeves. Edward started to reach forward as if to help me, but then pulled back, which I appreciated. Maybe one day we could work things out, as long as he gave me the space I needed.

"Not so soon Edward. Maybe in a few weeks or something, but right now …" I paused, looking down at my feet. "I'm still afraid that you're going to hurt me again," I confessed.

"Bella …" Edward gently pushed my chin up so he could look into my eyes, and I nearly melted at the look he was giving me. He looked so sincere, so understanding, so passionate. "I should have never hurt you in the first place, and I would never try to hurt you again."

At that moment, it felt like we were the only two people left in the entire school. His forest green eyes gazed into my brown ones, and in that second, it felt like everything was okay, and nothing bad had ever happened between us. Edward must have felt something too, because suddenly his eyes fluttered shut and he started to lean down towards my face.

I wanted to be okay with him kissing me, but I inhaled sharply and put distance between us. "Um … I'll see you tomorrow, Edward." His eyes opened when I spoke, and he almost seemed disappointed.

"Yeah … see you then," he replied, giving me one last look before walking out of the school.

I felt mentally exhausted from that conversation I just had with Edward, but it wasn't as bad as it would have been a few weeks ago. It was nice to know that I was finally moving on, even if it wasn't as fast as Edward wanted me to.

When I got home, I remembered that I had been bleeding earlier, so I went up to the bathroom to check again. I looked, but there was nothing other than a few red spots. My heart dropped into my stomach for two reasons: one, because that meant that I probably wasn't getting my period, and two, because that was another symptom.

I went straight to my room to lie down because I was afraid that I would pass out. It was almost four o'clock now, so I didn't have time to go get a test. But it would be okay for me to wait one more week, since I was supposed to have another period near the end of January. My cycle had always been on a very strict twenty-eight day schedule, and if I didn't get the next one, then I would buy a test.

The rest of the week flew by, the days ticking away like minutes. When the next Monday, the twenty-ninth, came around, I was supposed to start, but nothing happened. I was really scared now, and I repeated last Tuesday all over again, but without the spotting before lunch. I was on edge all day, which caused Edward to voice his concern again. I ignored it though, even after biology, when I nearly ran out of the building to get to the convenience store.

Right after school was the best time to go to the store, because no one else was in there. That meant that no one would suspect anything, even the cashier. I took a single pregnancy test, since I didn't figure I would need more than one, and I went to check out.

"Bella Swan, is your mother expecting another baby?" the cashier asked. She was a woman in her mid-forties or fifties, but I could not remember her name. If only she was wearing a name tag.

"She isn't sure, so she wanted me to pick this up for her first," I lied, holding up the bag she gave me. "But don't go around telling everyone. She doesn't want the word to get out if she isn't."

"I won't, dear. Have a nice day!"

I nodded before slipping out the door. I felt like I was about to cry. In about fifteen minutes, my entire life could change forever. I wasn't ready for that to happen, especially with Edward. We weren't on civil terms yet, so how was I even going to tell him if I am?

As I drove home, the memories of that night started to creep into my mind; the night where this all began. I tried to push them from my head, as that wasn't what I needed right now. I was okay when I wasn't thinking about it, but as soon as it started … my facade fell apart.

Soon I was home, and I tried to unlock the door quickly which caused my keys to fall on the ground. I let a curse slip out of my mouth as my trembling hands tried to pick up the keys again. When I got the door unlocked, I slammed the door shut on accident and tripped my way up to the bathroom, double-checking that the door was locked behind me.

Things weren't supposed to happen this way. This was never how I imagined my situation. I shouldn't be alone right now – he should be right outside my bathroom, pacing nervously back and forth. My tears right now taste like fear, regret, disappointment – anything that isn't related to happiness, like it should be. My hands are shaking; the only way I can tell is by the nervous crackling of the plastic bag in my hand. A broken sob escapes my throat, and the next thing I know I'm sobbing hysterically while curled up into fetal position on the cool tile.

I've been crying like this a lot lately, whenever I think about that night, so these sounds don't frighten me like they did at first. I was used to them, but to anyone else, they would think that I was dying. Maybe I was, not physically, but right now it sure felt like everything on the inside was slowly deteriorating. That night started out so fantastic, and I thought that it was going to escalate into one of the best of my life. I gave up on fighting the memories and let them seep into my mind.

_His face turned a light red and he seemed to be battling a conflict inside of his head. "Bella, I … um … I … these past few years have been some of the worst of my life, and … I … I think it's because I miss you. So much."_

_I froze, trying to absorb what he had just confessed to me. My hand was still resting on his, and I suddenly became very well-aware of our physical contact. Edward missed me? A small amount of hope swelled in my heart, and maybe things could go back to normal between us. Or maybe I could have him in every way I wanted him, which was a lot more than just my friend. I couldn't help but wonder if Edward felt what I did right now as our hands were so innocently connected. It was a strong tingling sensation that radiated through my body, and it only got stronger as I thought that he could feel the same …_

_"Bella?"_

_I realized that I haven't responded to his words yet, and I blushed more at that thought. My face would be in a permanent state of crimson by the end of the night. "Sorry Edward, I zoned out. I … I really miss you too, but … what does that mean for us?" I asked. That would probably be the best way for me to get some of the answers I needed._

_A brilliant smile lit up his face for a few seconds before it slightly died down. "Well, I … don't really know to be honest. I never thought that you would actually miss me too," Oh Edward, if only you knew, "But … I know that you really mean a lot to me, even after all of this time," he confessed, becoming less embarrassed and more confident._

_I smiled softly at him, trying my best to keep my face a normal color. "You mean a lot to me too," I told him, looking down at our hands._

_He slowly twisted his hand around, and our fingers wrapped themselves around each other. My heart swelled with pride, and I decided to meet Edward's eyes again. His face was beaming, and it made me smile too. This felt like a dream, and I hoped that I would never wake up. As long as Edward wasn't planning on breaking my heart again, then this was better than anything that I could ask for._

_- - -_

_"A huge blizzard decided to hit right after we got here, Bella, and the roads are closed until at least tomorrow afternoon! So we get to spend the night here!" my mom explained._

_I briefly let my thoughts wonder to a naughtier side that involved Edward and his room, but I quickly let those thoughts aside. "That should be fun," I said casually, while I was just as excited as her on the inside._

_"I know, I'm so excited! Now come on you two, Alice's cookies are finished, and we have to arrange our sleeping arrangements!" Renee bounded out of the room, with he and I trailing behind her._

_"Bella," I turned to face Edward, "If you don't mind I'd like to spend more time with you later tonight," he told me. I swear there was a small amount of seductive in his tone._

_"I would like that too," I replied._

He was everything that I could ask for in a man. He was a gentlemen in every way, always looking to do everything for his lady before worrying about his own needs. I know that was most likely his intention all along, but I also wanted to believe that he enjoyed hurting me. The second option would make so much more sense, because if he knew the first thing about me then he would know that I couldn't be happy without him.

I thought that I would be able to trust him of all people with my body. Well, I did in the moment. I'll admit it – I love him, and I still do even though I couldn't have him like I wanted to. And I really thought that he felt the same way about me, especially when things started to get more intimate between us …

_I took a few steady breaths for good measure, and I reached out to take Edward's hand in my own. He looked up at me with confusion, but his face changed to the one from when I entered when I led him to his bed. His eyes met my own, so I was hoping that my facial expression was one similar to his own._

"_Edward, I … I'm not very good at this - " I was silenced by his finger against my lips, and he put his other hand on my cheek. I let out whatever air was leftover in my lungs as his face slowly came closer to mine._

"_Bella," he whispered, and I still loved how he said my name, "As long as it's you then it will be perfection," he assured. Then he closed the gap between our lips._

_Kissing Edward was something that I never thought I would get to experience. But as soon as our lips connected, something awoke in me, telling me that somehow this was always meant to happen. I felt like I was flying as our mouths moved together in perfect rhythm, and I never wanted to come back down. New confidence started to flow through my veins so my hands left my sides and started to comb through his hair. It felt silkier than I had imagined, but surely nowhere near greasy. I heard him moan against my lips and he pulled me down so we could lay on his bed._

_I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of the night just kissing and touching Edward's hair and face as he stroked my own hair or cheek, but when one of his hands traced my back down to my waist, other ideas coursed through my mind …_

_- - -_

… _I heard him fumbling in his nightstand, looking for something, and I knew he had found it when I heard the crinkling sound of the wrapper. He tore open the package quickly and slid the condom down his harden length, and my stomach trembled with nerves and excitement._

_He rolled over, and landed so he was on top of me and resting in the middle of my legs. His clean hand ran through my hair while he leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Bella, are you sure you want this?" he asked, his deep green eyes staring into mine._

_I nodded, pulled his face to mine, and kissed him once. "Yes. I haven't been more sure of anything," I assured._

_Edward smiled, gave me one more tender kiss, then guided his arousal to my opening …_

_- - -_

… _Edward made one last thrust, crying out my name before I felt him spasm inside of me and collapse, still inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close, and I hugged him back._

_He slipped out at last, and had to let go of me to remove his condom and throw it in the trash. I used the time to push his covers down and go under them, pulling the blankets to my chest. Edward returned as fast as possible and he pulled me to his body again. I could stay in his embrace like this for the rest of my life, but I wasn't finished with him just yet._

"_Edward, can I ask you for something?"_

"_Of course honey," he replied, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "What is it?"_

"_Um … well … this night was fantastic, but … to be honest … uh … I always imagined that I would have my first time naturally, if you know what I mean …"_

"_Oh … so you mean without a -"_

_I blushed, snuggling into his chest so he couldn't see my face. "Um, yeah. I just always thought that it would feel a lot better, but if you don't want to then that's okay ..." I trailed off, too embarrassed to continue._

_The next thing I knew Edward was on top of me, his erection pressed into my thigh. "I want to make you happy, Bella," he explained …_

_- - -_

_I heard Edward groan, a sound full of pleasure and frustration, and he pulled out and rubbed himself until he ejaculated a few seconds later on my thigh, letting out a shaky sign of relief._

"_That was really close, but that was fantastic," he whispered._

It hurt so much to think about that night, yet it was something I just couldn't get out of my mind. I tried so hard to not think about it, but it just wasn't worth all of the effort anymore.

I remembered the contents of the bag I was holding. I needed to do this – I needed a confirmation to my suspicions. I took a deep, shaky breath and pulled out the box, leaving the bag on the floor. I pulled out the contents and read the directions, even though I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do.

After the test, I needed to wait for a few minutes to get the results. I knew that this would be the longest five minutes of my life, and the result was going to change it forever. I set the alarm on my cell phone to alert me when it was time.

The tears started streaming once again, and I wished that he could be here holding me right now. I needed him to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But no – he wasn't here, and he probably wouldn't come even if I asked him to. I didn't want to remember how the night ended but it is probably the hardest part to forget …

"_Bella … did we mess up by doing this? I mean, sweetie, I just got you back hours ago, and I don't want to lose you again by taking things too fast ..."_

_I didn't know what to say to that. Maybe we did mess up tonight, as nice as it was. Edward thought that he was going to lose me by moving too fast, so maybe I shouldn't tell him what I was going to. Maybe we should just be friends for a while, even if it did hurt me. I just wanted what is best for him though, because his happiness is more important than mine …_

"_Edward … I … I don't know. This night was amazing, but do you think we should backtrack and just be friends for now?"_

_He stopped moving his hand, keeping it intertwined in my hair, and didn't respond right away. "I … I think that would be for the best."_

_I felt my heart shatter, and I fought the tears building in my eyes. "O-okay ..." I whispered. I started to get up, but I felt his hand close around my wrist._

"_Bella, wait. Let's just have tonight, please. Don't leave." Edward's voice broke on his last word, and that was enough. The part of me that always wanted to please him crawled back into bed with him._

My phone started beeping impatiently, and my heart stopped beating. I stood up and grabbed the test and instructions from beside the sink. There was a bright red plus sign beaming at me, and I didn't need the paper to know what that meant. I checked anyway, and I found out that what I didn't want to be true was. I gasped as my hand found its way to my lower stomach and I fell back to the floor, the crying starting up again.

"Oh Edward … I really need you right now … why did you have to leave me?"

* * *

**A/N**: ... And there we go. We have come full circle with the prologue.

I'll admit that I basically copied and pasted the prologue, but I did add some things and change some things. I may or may not add these changes to the actual prologue, but we'll see.

I do hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to get Chapter 7 out before I hit the two month mark again. I'm really enjoying this story.

Please review, favorite, etc. Whatever makes you happy.


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